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Orenstein says that it’s essential to acknowledge and be honest with yourself regarding what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Dating should be viewed as an experiment. It may go very well, or it may go very badly, or somewhere in between. At least if it goes badly then you will have a good story. Kong says, "The person who is good at dating looks at dating as an experience to learn from, not as a trail of tears they had to suffer."
This is to say that if you are looking for a one-night stand and the other person is looking for a long-term relationship, it’s probably a good idea to address it, rather than one of you getting involved in something that you would rather not.
For example, someone might miss that their date is funny and charming because they immediately write them off for not being tall.
LunchDates urges people to learn from their past when it comes to dating, as so many people end up dating the same kinds of people over and over again, even though it doesn’t work out for them.
A 10-year study on dating published in the Harvard Business Review draws attention to the primacy effect.
LunchDates also says that picking the right scene for a date is hugely influential on how it goes. The company recommends finding a cozy setting with seats
Orenstein says that people should make their dating lives a priority if they are unhappy with their love life.
Matchmaking company LunchDates shares that people will fare better if they are more interested in their date than they are in trying to be interesting and impressive.
Indeed, George Kong from Tawkify says that the best reports that he’s gotten from people going on dates were when they managed to do it without expectations. But Kong says that it's a feeling (having no expectations), and not something that can be taught.
In doing this, Zaslow also stresses the importance of women showing that they’re interested in men. She recommends that women should hint that they’re interested (if they are) by smiling, laughing, and flirting.
Not having expectations is single-handedly the biggest game changer regarding first dates. Expectations create room for disappointment. Without expectations, you can enjoy the date. And if there’s no spark, then it’s no loss.
It is challenging to meet people with similar values, goals, and interests who are willing to be vulnerable and honest to that end. That said, keep your head up and have hope.
Although offering insight is a good idea, there is such a thing as oversharing, especially early on in a relationship, or, lordy, on a first date! Nobody wants to hear every detail of your life on your first date with them or hear you complain all night about how awful your family is.
Kong says that you should avoid games, especially if you are looking for more than a one-night stand, as the people who are usually attracted to people who play games are generally not in it for more than that.
Offering insight into your life is important on a date. It helps people get to know you and helps build a connection between two people. It’s also a surefire way to avoid being boring.
This is the most obvious and a lesson that has been passed down through the ages: be kind. Treating others how we wish to be treated is a good rule of thumb.
Orenstein explains that people shouldn’t treat dating as something that they’ll do only if they’ve completed all the other responsibilities in their lives (laundry, exercise, work, grocery shopping, etc.).
LunchDates found that people looking for a less serious relationship are more likely to put a lot of effort into their online dating profile.
Zaslow stresses the importance of playing it cool and “pacing yourself.” It would be wise not to invite someone into your entire life from the offset.
An example of this would be someone constantly choosing to date a workaholic or someone who’s emotionally unavailable.
Sources: (Glamour)(Boston Magazine)(Harvard Business Review)
See also: Dating rules you should break (and ones you really shouldn't)
If you are looking for something with no commitments, picking someone based on a dating profile is the way forward.
Hannah Orenstein, a matchmaker at Tawkify, says she thinks that “one of the biggest problems people have is that they build up this dream checklist in their head."
The primacy effect explains that people pass judgment on each other immediately, and that the information they receive heavily influences how they interpret information about the other person later.
The fear of rejection plays a huge part in dating, which is why people play games with each other instead of being honest and vulnerable about their feelings.
Zaslow thinks that women should take a back seat at the beginning and leave men to chase them, ask them out, and lead the way because they need the challenge.
Lori Zaslow, matchmaker and cofounder of Project Soulmate, says that “men need the hunt.” She feels that men get bored fast, especially if something is too easy.
LunchDates says that people looking to meet a long-term partner should get out and meet people in the real world.
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Anyone who has ever dated knows how confusing it can be. Luckily, some experts are willing to offer insight. If you want to learn how to have better dates and materialize the relationships you're looking for, click through this gallery to learn from professional matchmakers.