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Sometimes when we've had a hurtful experience, it can be difficult to let it go. Those feelings can appear in the form of grudges, which are a kind of resentment that can be unhealthy to the individual carrying them. Grudges can be short-lived or persist over a lifetime, even creating potential health risks.
So for the good of your physical and mental health, discover how they impact you and how to let them go. Click on to get started.
People hold grudges for all kinds of reasons. Some might be extremely serious, and others might have stemmed from a silly misunderstanding.
Some common reasons behind grudges include feeling left out, unrealistic expectations, disagreements, and pent-up resentment.
Those most likely to hold grudges are people with a negative approach to life. They might also hold on to emotions like envy, jealousy, and toxic anger.
Other contributing factors include their personal history of hurt or trauma, cultural background, and upbringing.
A 2021 study discovered six traits common to grudge holders. These included a sense of being morally superior, the need for validation, and the difficulty of letting go.
The other three traits included a tendency to sever ties with people, keeping old grudges active, and high expectations about the future.
The grudge a person holds against you is about them, not you. You can let go of the grudge's hold on you, even if they do not.
Grudges often begin with the simple misconception that people are either all good or all bad. It's a simplistic idea that ignores the complexities of human relationships.
This all-or-nothing way of thinking can foster the grudge holder to identify as a victim. And then they may feel unable to take any responsibility for the grudge.
Holding a grudge can harm both your emotional and physical health in the following ways.
In a 2014 study, participants who held on to grudges were found to have more difficulty completing a fitness test. This is because they evaluated hills as steeper compared with those who let go of grudges.
Holding a grudge may increase your chances of experiencing anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.
A 2018 study found that people who held on to grudges experienced more cognitive decline over a 10-year period than those who routinely practiced self-forgiveness.
Studies have found that social isolation predicted more grudge-holding. Holding a grudge may then serve as a self-protecting function.
Holding on to grudges can increase your stress levels, which can then lead to high blood pressure, heart problems, lowered immunity, and inflammation.
If you feel like you're holding on to grudges, you're not alone. Many people do the same. Letting go of a grudge may require intentional practice.
The first thing you can do is to acknowledge and accept the grudge. Then decide what you can do to heal.
It’s possible to hold on to old feelings of resentment without knowing why. But acknowledging a grudge can offer a powerful step towards letting it go.
If you think you might be harboring resentment, ask yourself how those memories make you feel. And pay attention to what memories trigger strong feelings. This can help you identify the grudge.
It can be difficult to stop ruminating on past pain, but it's not impossible. One step involves engaging in compassion reappraisal. This means paying attention to the human qualities of the person who hurt you, and the need for positive change in their life.
In some cases, you can turn your grudge into an opportunity for growth. For some people, doing this helps them regain a sense of empowerment in their own lives.
Once you decide to let go of your grudge, make sure you follow through. A dwelling grudge will only make it harder for you to leave it in the past.
Even if you don't agree with the grudge holder’s view, try stepping into their shoes. You might find hurt feelings caused by your actions.
Forgiveness is a common prescription for grudges, but it doesn't mean to excuse or forget. Instead, it's the choice to let go of negative emotions that you or someone else is holding on to.
Self-forgiveness is also important. Research shows that those who practiced self-forgiveness regularly avoided many of the harmful effects caused by grudges.
For every negative situation, there's a positive. Instead of staying resentful, see this as a lesson where you can walk away with a better understanding of yourself.
For your own mental and physical health, move on. In the end, you get to decide how to respond to a grudge and what effect you'll let it have on you.
If your grudges still linger after trying out the previous steps, then it may be time to talk with a trusted mental health professional.
Sources: (Psych Central) (Healthline)
See also: A helpful guide to self-forgiveness
Understanding how resentment affects your health
Discover why you shouldn't hold on to grudges
LIFESTYLE Mental health
Sometimes when we've had a hurtful experience, it can be difficult to let it go. Those feelings can appear in the form of grudges, which are a kind of resentment that can be unhealthy to the individual carrying them. Grudges can be short-lived or persist over a lifetime, even creating potential health risks.
So for the good of your physical and mental health, discover how they impact you and how to let them go. Click on to get started.