Getting hitched is an expensive affair!
When you’re young, it’s not as hard to express or figure out who likes who. It’s often either a chain of friends relaying messages from one to another, or a box that’s checked on a note passed in class. When you’re older, however, the signs and etiquette of flirting are more complex.
Despite how hard it might seem, flirting is in your genes, and anthropological research shows that it occurs in some form across all cultures of the world. Expressing interest is, after all, the first step to humans' natural desire to mate and reproduce.
While everyone has their own particular brand of flirting, there are some general helpful guidelines that can aid you in better understanding what works and what doesn’t. Click through to learn about the fascinating body language of flirting, based on information from How Stuff Works.
It takes between 90 seconds and four minutes for another person to realize that you are flirting with them.
That means you have to be bold and emit more than 90 seconds of body language if you want to be seen.
Many people mistake flirting as showing off and impressing someone. The real key is conveying that you like someone and find them interesting and attractive. They’ll instantly be more inclined to like you.
Most people spend way too much time worrying about what they’ll say, when what they're not saying is much more effective. That said, proceed with caution, as research has also shown that men tend to mistake friendly behavior for flirting.
From a young age, girls are taught not to be the chaser in romantic situations, so by the time women are grown, they’re often better at using the following body signals to indicate their interest.
It's that unmistakable alluring look that says so much by saying nothing at all.
Women tend to let their fingers do the talking with things like tracing their wine glass, twirling their pen, or lightly touching their neck area.
A seasoned flirt tends to flip her hair, tuck it behind her ears, or twirl strands around her fingers.
Lips are effective tools for the flirtatious woman, and if she's applying red lipstick without a mirror, it's likely she wants you to notice.
Like Sharon Stone in 'Basic Instinct,' though not so R-rated, crossing your legs can really grab someone's attention. The dangling shoe shows she’s relaxed, and is in no rush to be anywhere else.
No one smiles that much for someone they’re not interested in.
Brought up to be the chaser, men tend to make their intentions clear with erect postures and various other techniques to make themselves look bigger, especially if with a group of friends.
This is as subtle as it usually gets for typical male flirting. It’s a classic signal of arousal, whether you’re arousing his mind with your intellect, or something else...
He might accidentally bump into you on the way to the bathroom and offer a cheeky smile. Oops!
This comes from a generalized view that men who are off the clock like to remain relaxed. So, when he starts straightening himself up while in a relaxed environment, he is likely signaling that he's interested.
A popular way men flirt is by moving in closer, indicating that they're completely engaged. They should also, however, be sensitive to the reactive body language that may indicate that they're too close for comfort.
Men often find an excuse to touch your arm, your back, your shoulder, etc. If performed correctly, the small touch will feel electric. If it’s inappropriate, however, all chances are out the window.
Women do this as well, but men tend to open up their posture (not turned away, no crossed arms, etc.) in a more obvious way.
While you can rely on some common trends regarding men and women’s signals, there’s something clearer and more effective when it comes to flirting: imitation.
Imagine you’re sitting on a bench, engaged in a conversation. You lean back into the bench, and moments later they do too. Then they cross their legs, and soon after you do the same. This simple echoing can be more powerful than you think.
Studies have found that the chances of strangers bonding depend heavily on this synchronized, usually unconscious mimicry of gestures. It creates a sense of comfort between you.
It may sound narcissistic, but it’s also proven in studies that examine couples who look alike. Flirting by (subtle) imitation puts you in sync and can signal that the feelings are mutual.
Eye contact is one of the most direct ways to tell if a person is really interested. Just as the line in 'Scarface' goes: “The eyes, chico. They never lie.”
If a person looks over at you from across the room, then looks away when you look back, but can't seem to stop looking over, chances are they are interested in you.
A man is more likely to approach a woman only after she has made direct eye contact with him. Many women intuitively know this, and will purposely avoid eye contact to discourage anyone trying to approach them.
You know the one, where there’s non-creepy staring directly into each other’s eyes, signaling romantic or intimate desires in one of the most effective ways. That’s why some couples therapists recommend long gazing to those who have lost their intimate spark.
If you really want to communicate your desire for intimate touch through flirtation, stare into someone’s eyes for a couple seconds, then break eye contact to look at a part of their body (hands or lips work best) and then look back at their eyes.
You have to be just as receptive to signals saying “no” as you are to signals saying “yes.” If someone you’re trying to gaze into breaks eye contact, they’re likely not interested and you should move on before you seem like a stalker.
See also: A guide to modern dating rules: what to keep and what to change
How to master flirtatious body language
Some individuals might have a natural gift for flirting
LIFESTYLE Romance
When you’re young, it’s not as hard to express or figure out who likes who. It’s often either a chain of friends relaying messages from one to another, or a box that’s checked on a note passed in class. When you’re older, however, the signs and etiquette of flirting are more complex.
Despite how hard it might seem, flirting is in your genes, and anthropological research shows that it occurs in some form across all cultures of the world. Expressing interest is, after all, the first step to humans' natural desire to mate and reproduce.
While everyone has their own particular brand of flirting, there are some general helpful guidelines that can aid you in better understanding what works and what doesn’t. Click through to learn about the fascinating body language of flirting, based on information from How Stuff Works.