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If you are a person in this world, you have most likely encountered passive-aggressive behavior. Although it is complex and driven by multiple factors, passive aggression is very common and many people are confronted by it on a daily basis. Unfortunately, passive-aggressive behavior is by its nature sneaky and can be difficult to detect. However, there are certain things to look out for, and there are definitely things you can do to handle someone who is behaving in this way.
Check out this gallery to learn how to deal with passive-aggressive behavior.
The first step to take in dealing with the behavior of a passive-aggressive friend, colleague, or relative is to identify their behavior as passive aggressive.
Passive-aggressive people are often very subtle with their behavior and all too often you can find yourself feeling down when around them without even knowing why.
Thankfully, there are some things to look out for, such as complaining. Of course, everyone is entitled to a whine once in a while, but constant complaining is a symptom of passive aggression.
If you find yourself around someone who is constantly bemoaning the fact that they are worse off than other people, it’s likely that you’re dealing with passive aggression.
Listen for complaining, and watch for inconsistent behavior. Passive-aggressive people have a tendency to say one thing and then do another.
Beware of friends or relatives who agree with you in person to take a certain course of action, and then go behind your back and do something completely different.
Watch out for people who respond negatively to positive developments in the lives of others. Passive-aggressive people often have a problem with other people’s success.
If you know someone who constantly feigns disinterest or even criticizes you when something goes well for you, it is likely they have a passive-aggressive character.
In a similar vein, a common trait of passive-aggressive people is the inability to praise or give positive feedback. It stems from resentment, which is one of the founding fathers of passive aggression.
If you have a friend, relative, or colleague who refuses to praise you come rain or shine, that person probably struggles with passive aggression.
Finally, a common behavior of passive-aggressive people is to give a lot of backchats and constantly disagree with the things other people say.
Passive-aggressive people tend to respond to other people’s problems in a way that suggests they know better or they have it worse in some way or another.
Now time for some tips on how to deal with passive-aggressive behavior. The first is to pay close attention to when and how it occurs, particularly in a new relationship or friendship.
It is all too easy to brush off passive-aggressive behavior, particularly when exhibited by someone you love or admire, but as soon as it becomes troublesome you should start to take note.
A great way to handle passive-aggressive behavior is to be upfront about it. Call out a person behaving in this way, although perhaps focus on one specific behavior at a time.
If you struggle to find the confidence to confront people about their behavior, remember the words of TedEx speaker Vijayraj Kamat: “There are no passive-aggressive people. There is passive-aggressive behavior. So passive-aggressive people are not bad. Passive-aggressive behavior causes some undesirable consequences.”
It is important when handling passive aggression to focus on the particular behavior at hand. Try not to dredge up past instances of the same behavior, as this will not help.
For example, if someone gives you a backhanded compliment, explain why you find it hurtful rather than jumping down the person’s throat for criticizing you all the time.
People who struggle with passive aggression are communication-averse. A great way to deal with them is to have an aggressively open policy to communicate with others.
Human behavior expert Melody Wilding offers the following advice: "Influence positive change [by] welcoming feedback and dialogue ... Encouraging two-way communication helps head off passive-aggressive patterns before they start.”
You might want to spend some time checking your own behavior for passive-aggressive traits. After all, none of us are immune to developing them at some point.
If you do determine that you have a tendency to behave in a passive-aggressive way, start by dissecting why you are upset and allow yourself to work towards change.
While you may wish to be there for a passive-aggressive person, particularly if they are a close friend or relative, sometimes the only thing to do is to shut the relationship down.
For the sake of your mental health, it is important to recognize that when someone is constantly working to put you down or cause problems in your life, that relationship is toxic.
When dealing with a passive-aggressive person, it is very important not to enter into a power struggle. In all likelihood, they will win and you’ll be left feeling very frustrated.
Rather than starting an argument with someone who is acting passive aggressively, psychologist Signe Whitson recommends using "appropriate words while also sending a clear, unstated message.”
All too often, passive-aggressive people do not realize why they feel the anger and resentment that they do. Sometimes it is helpful to suggest that the person reflect on this and confront any unresolved feelings.
As Benedict Carey wrote in The New York Times, "In some cases, psychologists say, people unable to recognize or express their annoyance often don't feel entitled to it; they instinctually let the 'little things' pass without taking the time to find out why they are so angry about them.”
Finally, it’s incredibly important to remember that a person’s passive-aggressive behavior is no reflection on you or their feelings towards you.
Passive-aggressive people can be very difficult to handle, particularly when confronted, so remembering this will help reduce your hurt and enable you to process their behavior in a healthy way.
Sources: (WikiHow) (Insider)
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If you are a person in this world, you have most likely encountered passive-aggressive behavior. Although it is complex and driven by multiple factors, passive aggression is very common and many people are confronted by it on a daily basis. Unfortunately, passive-aggressive behavior is by its nature sneaky and can be difficult to detect. However, there are certain things to look out for, and there are definitely things you can do to handle someone who is behaving in this way.
Check out this gallery to learn how to deal with passive-aggressive behavior.