Art, obsession, and identity
It's a wonderful thing that we all (hopefully) try to be nice to other people. But there comes a point where niceness slides into nuisance, and sometimes the line can be hard to perceive.
The reason is usually because when we're doing things we think are nice, we're doing precisely that: what we think is nice, as opposed to considering what is actually best or what the other person genuinely needs/wants. And we all know how it feels to be on the opposite end, receiving the kind gestures of other people that are actually quite annoying, causing more work for us and forcing us to pretend to be grateful.
Click through to see the "nice" things that really just aren't!
This is particularly true if the solo person is reading, eating, or with earphones in. Just because a person is alone doesn’t mean they want company, and joining them out of pity is the worst.
Most new parents know that strangers are all too happy to give unsolicited advice about pregnancy and parenting, but these strangers genuinely believe it’s a nice thing to do.
Why are you yelling in people’s heads to be nice?! Not feeling comfortable to end sentences with periods is strange!
Even if you have a deadline and a team relying on you, going into work sick—especially in this day and age—will be appreciated by no one.
Unless a single person asks to be set up, it’s likely they’re not going to be too pleased when someone takes the liberty of ambushing them with a potential date. It might seem like a nice thing, but perhaps they actually want to be single.
Saying “whatever you want” and letting someone else pick the place to go for dinner, for example, then showing up and just having fries because you don’t like that type of food isn’t actually nice. It would be much more enjoyable to find a place everyone likes.
While it might seem like it’s celebrating someone’s appearance in a positive way, it’s actually very triggering for people and is best to be avoided. Try complimenting the way they’re glowing instead of demonstrating to them that you’re noticing their body shape before anything else.
While it might seem like a nice way to bring someone into the conversation, the quiet people in groups are usually the ones who would also be mortified to be called out for being quiet. They’re not drawing attention to themselves for a reason.
Perhaps the idea is that they’re just being polite when declining the food or drink, but even if they are, let them work up the courage to ask. It’s more likely they just genuinely don’t want it.
When someone is going through a hard time and other people share their own hardships, the intention might be to show empathy, but the effect often feels like they're being one-upped. In times of difficulty, most people just need someone to listen, not to make their struggles feel small in comparison.
Maybe someone is trying to go vegan but they decide to treat themselves with a cheesy dish; having someone announce, “Wait, you can’t eat that!” isn’t helpful. Other people’s diets are not anyone else’s to manage.
When someone asks for directions and you send them off in the way you suspect is right, it might feel like the nice thing to do, but you could be saving them a lot of time if you direct them instead to someone who does know.
If you think about it, asking someone to smile isn’t really out of care for their emotions but rather for your own comfort. Beyond the fact that you never know what someone is going through, telling them to smile is hardly the way to improve their mood.
This is when it’s in the wrong context and from the wrong people. If your partner or parent uses these terms of endearment, it’s a much different effect than if your colleague or a professional is using them.
If someone is visibly suffering, maybe they’re having a coughing fit or they’re on the verge of tears, it’s a knee-jerk reaction to ask if they’re okay, but it’s not helpful. Instead, getting some water or asking if they’d like to talk about it are better options.
Maybe you don’t want to embarrass them, but if you don’t tell them, they might go into an important meeting later and have a much more embarrassing time than if you told them in private.
Pedestrians have the right of way, so it’s actually not helpful when they wave cars on and usually it ends up in both parties just waiting and hesitating unnecessarily long.
If a pedestrian is trying to cross the road without a crosswalk, a driver slowing to wave them across is actually extremely dangerous because for all they know there could be another car approaching that could hit them when trying to overtake the car stopped in the middle of the road.
We’re all guilty of saying this, and on some few occasions it can feel comforting, but usually it just feels like one is dismissing, diminishing, and invalidating the subject of worry.
It’s just an awkward situation for everyone involved, and will often pressure the person to do a little jog to get through the door faster.
Hollywood has instilled this idea that persistence is a good thing when pursuing a partner, but it can actually be quite offensive—especially if the only time you back off is when the person says they’re “taken,” as if their own “no” wasn’t enough.
Sometimes this can be a fantastic way to refresh friends’ and family members’ wardrobes without spending a dime, but the recipients of these unasked for donations know that most of those items end up clogging their closets.
From inside any religion, the grass usually seems greener where you are, but trying to convince other people of that even if it’s genuinely for their sake will almost always come off as annoying and offensive.
This unnecessary touching is often perpetrated by men moving past women and is usually surprising in a bad way. If you need to get by, the best way is to say “Excuse me” instead of intimately touching a stranger’s lower back.
Some people don’t regard a night in as something rejuvenating and exciting, and so they’ll pressure people to go out as if they’re doing them a favor. Most of the time, however, the choice to stay in is one that the person knows they need.
While this can sometimes be a nice surprise, ranging in locations from the kitchen to the workplace, it’s more often the case that the person whose task it was originally had a plan and a specific way to complete it, and now their work is wasted. Even worse, they might feel frustrated that the tasks weren’t completed in the way they wanted.
Just as straight-haired people curl their hair, sometimes curly-haired people will straighten their hair to switch things up. But telling someone you like their artificially straight hair better than their natural look is actually quite harmful and feeds into old prejudices surrounding natural textures.
If someone gives you something or asks you to do an activity with them and you lie about liking it, not only are you setting yourself up for more of what you don’t like, but it’s also not fair to the other person who is probably trying to foster a genuine connection.
Maybe it’s someone using a word they shouldn't or spewing an incorrect and offensive opinion that shouldn't be repeated. In any case, staying silent because you want to be “nice” is not helping them at all.
Though it seems like a compliment on the surface, this woman is now going to have to find out what it is you really think about women at large and why she is the exception.
Showing huge amounts of affection and attention to someone really early on in a relationship can be viewed as a nice and open thing, but it has also become known as love bombing because it often leads to an unhealthy relationship that makes the other person feel obligated to you.
Being vague about your feelings just because you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings might feel easy in the moment, but it’s going to be harder for you both as their feelings progress.
If someone shows you something they’re working on or you’re having a meeting at work and you have a valid critique but don’t want to share it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, consider that you’re actually hurting them more in the long run.
Sources: (Thought Catalog) (Bustle)
Common behaviors that seem 'nice' but annoy others
So-called sweet gestures and phrases that leave actually rub us the wrong way
LIFESTYLE Habits
It's a wonderful thing that we all (hopefully) try to be nice to other people. But there comes a point where niceness slides into nuisance, and sometimes the line can be hard to perceive.
The reason is usually because when we're doing things we think are nice, we're doing precisely that: what we think is nice, as opposed to considering what is actually best or what the other person genuinely needs/wants. And we all know how it feels to be on the opposite end, receiving the kind gestures of other people that are actually quite annoying, causing more work for us and forcing us to pretend to be grateful.
Click through to see the "nice" things that really just aren't!