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Someone who behaves inconsistently might sometimes call you when they say and then other times completely ghost you. They might act like things are going great, but then disappear.
Inconsistent behavior is a telltale sign of emotional unavailability. It can be difficult to trust an inconsistent person to do what they say they will, or to turn up when they promise they will.
Emotionally unavailable people are often attracted to people who are actually unavailable. They are true victims of the “you always want what you can’t have” mentality.
People who struggle with emotional availability are more likely to run from difficult situations. They find it difficult, if not impossible, to deal with conflict and strong emotions.
If your partner disappears for a while every time you have an argument, or they have a stream of exes they only stayed with for a few months, they might be emotionally unavailable.
People who get stuck in a rut over a previous loss are less likely to be emotionally available. It can be difficult for someone to be open in a relationship if they are still dealing with pain and sadness.
The previous loss need not be a bereavement, it could be an ex who left suddenly or getting fired from a dream job. Not working through such losses is likely to result in emotional unavailability.
A classic sign to look for is the lack of desire, or even ability, to connect on a deeper level. If your partner always skirts meaningful conversations, they may be emotionally unavailable.
If your partner never opens up to you and never trusts you enough to tell you the things that make them vulnerable, they are likely emotionally unavailable.
Although it’s quite normal in the beginning, watch out for partners who refuse to ever introduce you to the other people in their life, like their friends, family, colleagues, and so forth.
Perhaps an obvious one, but trust issues are a telltale sign. An emotionally unavailable person will always expect the worst of people and their partners are no exception.
This is a classic trait of an emotionally unavailable partner and it likely stems from their fear or expectation that you will not be around for a long time.
Fear of commitment in relationships is something people tend to joke about, but it can be a serious problem. It is normal for people in relationships to commit to each other.
People who are emotionally unavailable will never commit to their partners. They may talk about it in a way that suggests they intend to commit, but they will never actually take the plunge.
If your partner has never been with an ex longer than 18 months (although this is age-dependent, of course), they may well be emotionally unavailable.
We hinted at this one before, but we’ll say it again—people who are emotionally unavailable do not stick around for long-term relationships.
Someone who is emotionally unavailable is likely to be superficial in the way that they talk and conduct themselves. They often care too much about looking good in front of others.
Emotionally unavailable people tend to keep conversations superficial and worry more about the way that they look than creating meaningful connections with others.
Firstly it’s important to recognize the causes. Understanding whether the unavailability is temporary or longer term and rooted in trauma can help you to understand and deal with the behavior.
So there you have some signs to look out for if you suspect your partner may be emotionally unavailable. Now for some tips on how to handle it.
If you do decide to confront your partner, try to do so in a way that focuses on your own feelings. Use “I” statements to help your partner understand how their behavior affects you.
Listen closely and work out whether your partner acknowledges their behavior. If they don’t, you may find it helpful to voice your concern, although you shouldn't try to fix the problem for them.
Being with an emotionally unavailable partner is draining and can take its toll on your mental health. Check in with yourself regularly to determine whether the relationship is still right for you.
It is important to realize that your partner’s emotional climate is their own responsibility and you cannot manage it. Taking a step back can yield great results.
There is no shame in seeking out a couples counselor or therapist to help you work through difficult conversations with your partner.
It is also worth asking yourself whether you might also be emotionally unavailable. This takes more work than recognizing it in your partner, but can be a helpful exercise.
Sources: (InStyle) (Mind Body Green)
It is important to provide your partner with space to change their behavior once you have expressed how it makes you feel and what you are looking for in the relationship.
It might be worth asking yourself if you are in fact enabling their behavior. It is by no means your fault, but certain behaviors, such as not being clear about boundaries, can be encouraging.
A bit of game-playing at the beginning of a relationship is normal and nothing to worry about, but if months down the line your partner still seems most interested when you’re not around, watch out.
Emotionally unavailable people try to avoid deep conversations at all costs. If your partner struggles with this it’s likely you won’t know much about their past, their family etc.
The term "emotionally unavailable" gets thrown around a lot, often in a blasé or even humorous way. However, the reality is that being with someone who is emotionally unavailable can be very wearing and can even be damaging to your mental health.
Emotional unavailability is common and there are many possible causes. There are also various ways in which it manifests itself.
Check out this gallery to see some signs that your partner is emotionally unavailable.
How to recognize if your partner is emotionally distant
Telltale signs to look for before you dive too deep
LIFESTYLE Relationships
The term "emotionally unavailable" gets thrown around a lot, often in a blasé or even humorous way. However, the reality is that being with someone who is emotionally unavailable can be very wearing and can even be damaging to your mental health.
Emotional unavailability is common and there are many possible causes. There are also various ways in which it manifests itself.
Check out this gallery to see some signs that your partner is emotionally unavailable.