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Your definition of sex is limited -

If someone asks you what having sex means, what would you respond? Many of us have a narrowed vision when it comes to defining sex, such as considering penetrative sex the ultimate definition.

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Your definition of sex is limited -

Of course, there are different types of sex (e.g. oral, etc.), but instead of focusing on the destination, try enjoying the journey and broaden your definition to other acts that form part of the sexual connection, such as sexy texts, erotic dance, dirty talk, etc.

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You only have sex with your partner -

No, we’re not saying you should cheat on your partner or stop being monogamous. We’re talking about solo time. Yes—it’s important.

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You only have sex with your partner -

Some people don’t know their bodies well, what they like or how they like it. Going solo is the best way to explore your sexuality, which will translate into a more fulfilling sex life with a partner.

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You’re rushing into it -

Are you going too fast? Do you expect instant arousal, instant erections, and instant lubrication? Well, sometimes that doesn’t work at all, and then we start thinking something is wrong with us or our partners.

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You’re rushing into it -

Arousal takes time. No one is turned on instantly. Even when it appears to be so, most likely you and your partner have been brewing sexual tension for a while.

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You’re rushing into it -

Under normal circumstances, rushing into it can trigger anxiety, which in turn may translate into erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness. Slow down, avoid pressure and expectation, and take all the time you and your partner need to feel aroused.

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You only have sex when you’re in the mood -

This one might come as a bit of a shock, but most of us have been guilty of it. Why would you have sex if you don’t feel like it, right? Well, that’s not how desire works (especially in long-term relationships).

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You only have sex when you’re in the mood -

Like an artist doesn't wait for inspiration to strike before getting to work, you too shouldn't wait for your libido to peak before having sex. It takes a conscious effort to become aroused, especially when you are with the same person for some time.

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You only have sex when you’re in the mood -

The key is to be open to the idea of wanting to have sex, regardless. We should stress that this is not about doing it against your will. It’s about prioritizing sex in your life and knowing that sometimes action precedes arousal. Try it and you will see that, more often than not, you will enjoy it in the end.

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You’re too focused on what you’re doing -

Are you too focused on technique and performance? This is a common mistake many people make in bed. Intimacy is impulsive, raw, and authentic, not a choreography of moves and techniques.

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You’re too focused on what you’re doing -

If you’re looking for a deep sexual experience (no pun intended), consider letting go a bit. Be vulnerable and present in the moment. Let yourself go and try to stop judging your performance—just do what feels right, instead of what you think is right.

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You’re not vocal -

We’re not talking about moaning like an adult film star climaxing. We mean being vocal about what you want and like, and also about letting yourself go and make whatever sounds you feel like making. This is important feedback for your partner, and makes things a lot more exciting than being silent.

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You think dirty talk is swearing -

This will obviously depend on the person, but many of us assume that dirty talk is about dropping a few f-bombs and swearing all the time. This isn't necessarily the case. It’s more about being explicit and graphic about what you want and being unapologetic about it. You can do so without using foul language.

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Your bedroom is off-putting -

Sure, you may have a nice comfy bed and beautiful decor, but how about pictures? Do you have photos of your parents or children on your bedside table? This happens a lot, and can really inhibit one’s sexual performance.

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Your way of initiating is not great -

We’ve all been there, especially in long-term relationships, where routine gets in the way of spontaneity. Think about how you initiate. How do you express to your partner that you want to have sex?

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Your way of initiating is not great -

Do you start by awkwardly touching and kissing your partner? Do you state that you want to have sex? Or do you expect your partner to read your mind and get offended when they don’t? All of these can carry the weight of expectation and compliance, and may lead to rejection.

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Your way of initiating is not great -

This is a very common mistake, because many people don’t talk about it at all. It may come naturally in certain stages of the relationship, but as time goes by, it’s important to discuss what turns the other person on without the person feeling like they are being pressured to do it.

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You’re too focused on the big O -

Ironically, sometimes pressuring yourself to come may prevent you from doing so.

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You’re too focused on the big O -

And when you do, it doesn't mean your partner will do so at the same time, or have one at all. And this is absolutely fine and normal. Don’t make it a goal, but instead enjoy the whole experience.

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You take sex too seriously -

Sex can be awkward. Hair gets stuck, we make sounds, positions get uncomfortable—you name it. But above all, it’s supposed to be fun!

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You take sex too seriously -

It’s essential that you have fun in bed. Try new positions, role play, toys, etc. Be curious and open about it. Taking it too seriously will only spoil the fun of it.

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You’re focusing too much on your partner -

We’re not saying that you should disregard your partner’s needs and wants in bed. We are talking about being self-conscious because you want to impress your partner.

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You’re focusing too much on your partner -

Do you keep thinking about your performance, if you’re doing it right, if you’re looking attractive, or if you’re making silly sounds?

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You’re focusing too much on your partner -

Being preoccupied about these things is not great for you or indeed your partner. After all, nothing is more exciting than being authentic in bed, and enjoying both giving and receiving pleasure just for the sake of it.

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You don’t take it outside the bedroom -

We’re not talking about physically having sex outside the bedroom. We’re talking about flirting. That sexy text message out of the blue, or that unexpected butt grab. It’s all about bringing sex into your daily life and spicing things up.

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You’re doing date night wrong -

Many couples have date nights, and this many times involves a meal and a couple of drinks. Now, that’s all very well, but sometimes you won’t have the energy to have sex when you come home feeling exhausted. The trick? Have sex before you go out. Just have a drink, relax, have sex, head out, and enjoy the evening. You will both be in a better mood, we assure you!

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You’re just having superficial sex -

Sex is indeed a physical experience, but there’s a lot more to it. Sex is also a way to connect and share intimacy with a person in different realms. If you’re just having sex for the physical side of it, that's fine, but you’re missing out on it at an emotional, mental, and spiritual level.

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You use your partner’s pleasure as an ego boost -

Do you make your partner's pleasure about you? Sure, you like to give pleasure to your partner, but if it’s merely done from a validating perspective, then it turns into a superficial performance-based task, instead of an intimate moment.

Sources: (Practical Intimacy) (Woman's Day)

See also: How exercise can boost your sex life

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