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Why do people hold grudges? -

People hold grudges for all kinds of reasons. Some might be extremely serious, and others might have stemmed from a silly misunderstanding.

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Common reasons -

Some common reasons behind grudges include feeling left out, unrealistic expectations, disagreements, and pent-up resentment.

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What type of personalities holds grudges? -

Those most likely to hold grudges are people with a negative approach to life. They might also hold on to emotions like envy, jealousy, and toxic anger.

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Other contributing factors -

Other contributing factors include their personal history of hurt or trauma, cultural background, and upbringing.

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Common traits -

A 2021 study discovered six traits common to grudge holders. These included a sense of being morally superior, the need for validation, and the difficulty of letting go.

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Common traits -

The other three traits included a tendency to sever ties with people, keeping old grudges active, and high expectations about the future.

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What does it mean when someone holds a grudge against you? -

The grudge a person holds against you is about them, not you. You can let go of the grudge's hold on you, even if they do not.

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How grudges come about -

Grudges often begin with the simple misconception that people are either all good or all bad. It's a simplistic idea that ignores the complexities of human relationships.

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All about the judgment -

This all-or-nothing way of thinking can foster the grudge holder to identify as a victim. And then they may feel unable to take any responsibility for the grudge.

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How can holding grudges affect you? -

Holding a grudge can harm both your emotional and physical health in the following ways.

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Make you more pessimistic -

In a 2014 study, participants who held on to grudges were found to have more difficulty completing a fitness test. This is because they evaluated hills as steeper compared with those who let go of grudges.

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Negatively affect your mental health -

Holding a grudge may increase your chances of experiencing anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.

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Increase your risk of cognitive decline -

A 2018 study found that people who held on to grudges experienced more cognitive decline over a 10-year period than those who routinely practiced self-forgiveness.

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Isolate you from others -

Studies have found that social isolation predicted more grudge-holding. Holding a grudge may then serve as a self-protecting function.

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Add to your overall stress -

Holding on to grudges can increase your stress levels, which can then lead to high blood pressure, heart problems, lowered immunity, and inflammation.

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How to let go of grudges -

If you feel like you're holding on to grudges, you're not alone. Many people do the same. Letting go of a grudge may require intentional practice.

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Accept it -

The first thing you can do is to acknowledge and accept the grudge. Then decide what you can do to heal.

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Become aware of resentment -

It’s possible to hold on to old feelings of resentment without knowing why. But acknowledging a grudge can offer a powerful step towards letting it go.

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Tune in to your emotions -

If you think you might be harboring resentment, ask yourself how those memories make you feel. And pay attention to what memories trigger strong feelings. This can help you identify the grudge.

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Redirect rumination on past events -

It can be difficult to stop ruminating on past pain, but it's not impossible. One step involves engaging in compassion reappraisal. This means paying attention to the human qualities of the person who hurt you, and the need for positive change in their life.

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Transform the experience into growth -

In some cases, you can turn your grudge into an opportunity for growth. For some people, doing this helps them regain a sense of empowerment in their own lives.

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Don't dwell -

Once you decide to let go of your grudge, make sure you follow through. A dwelling grudge will only make it harder for you to leave it in the past.

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Make amends -

Even if you don't agree with the grudge holder’s view, try stepping into their shoes. You might find hurt feelings caused by your actions.

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Foster forgiveness -

Forgiveness is a common prescription for grudges, but it doesn't mean to excuse or forget. Instead, it's the choice to let go of negative emotions that you or someone else is holding on to.

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Forgive yourself -

Self-forgiveness is also important. Research shows that those who practiced self-forgiveness regularly avoided many of the harmful effects caused by grudges.

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Stay positive -

For every negative situation, there's a positive. Instead of staying resentful, see this as a lesson where you can walk away with a better understanding of yourself.

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Move on -

For your own mental and physical health, move on. In the end, you get to decide how to respond to a grudge and what effect you'll let it have on you.

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When to seek help -

If your grudges still linger after trying out the previous steps, then it may be time to talk with a trusted mental health professional. 

Sources: (Psych Central) (Healthline)

See also: A helpful guide to self-forgiveness

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