Ricky Gervais' funniest one-liners

Ricky's thoughts on his heritage - “I can have a go at the French cause I’m half French half English with a stupid name like Gervais. No, I am, I’m half French half English and um I’ve got qualities of both, French and English which is good, so um… I am cr*p in bed but at least I’ve got bad breath.”

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Ricky's thoughts on same-sex marriage - “Same-sex marriage is not a gay privilege, it’s equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don’t.”

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Ricky's thoughts on nursery rhymes - “I’ve never worked out what the moral of Humpty Dumpty is. I can only think of: Don’t sit on a wall, if you’re an egg.”

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Ricky's thoughts on award shows - “For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought.”

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Ricky's thoughts on religion - “I’d like to thank God for making me an atheist.”

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Ricky's further thoughts on religion - "I see atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn’t believe in God the most. Oh, no… wait… that never happens."

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Ricky's lack of empathy - “I could solve the world’s problems if I… cared.”

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Ricky on Charlie Sheen - “It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie (Sheen) calls it: Breakfast.”

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Ricky on Mel Gibson - “I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.”

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Ricky's best advice -

“The best advice I’ve ever received is, ‘No one else knows what they’re doing either.’”

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Ricky on motivating people -

"Got a proper job at 28. Gave it up to try comedy at 38. Decided to get fit and healthy at 48. It’s never too late. But do it now.”

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Ricky's thoughts on health - “Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.”

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Ricky's thoughts on loyalty - “You have to be 100% behind someone before you can stab them in the back.”

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Ricky's thoughts on work-life balance - “If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.”

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Ricky's thoughts on social media - “Following someone on Twitter and asking them to tweet about something else is like stalking someone and asking them to go a different route.”

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Ricky's thoughts on his influence - “Please don’t worship me. I’m just an ordinary guy, with lots of followers trying to spread my message. Sort of like Jesus Christ I guess.”

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Ricky's thoughts on generosity - “Give a man a fish, and he’ll probably follow you home expecting more fish.”

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Ricky's thoughts on racism - "Ebony and ivory. No more racism now. That one’s done."

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Ricky's thoughts on nice views - “Being on the edge isn’t as safe, but the view is better.”

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Ricky's thoughts on how not to please others - “Remember, when someone says ‘you’ve changed,’ it usually just means you’ve stopped living your life their way.”

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Ricky's thoughts on depression - “Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer.”

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Ricky's thoughts on intelligence - “Some of you are really smart. You know who you are. Some of you are really thick. Unfortunately, you don’t know who you are.”

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Ricky's thoughts on natural selection - "Grown adults refusing to take medication in favor of prayer is my favorite form of natural selection."

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Ricky's thoughts on stupidity - “Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.”

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Ricky's thoughts on Mondays - “Mondays are fine. It’s your life that sucks.”

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