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Unfulfilled and lacking purpose -

At first glance, it might seem counterintuitive. How could someone who’s "made it" in life feel anything but fulfilled? The “unhappy achiever” meets or exceeds societal expectations for success, but finds themself plagued by feelings of dissatisfaction, depression, burnout, or a lack of purpose.

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Is the "American Dream" still worth chasing? -

Society places a high value on accomplishments: landing the big job, buying the dream home, being a specific dress size, finding someone to “put a ring on it." Whether we're aware of it or not, we're often subliminally conditioned to adhere to a specific blueprint of what life "should" look like. 

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Family ties -

Family, friends, and other caregivers can also influence our conditioning to define success. Their values and expectations can shape our perceptions, leading us to prioritize external achievements over personal fulfillment.

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External vs internal motivation -

For high achievers, the pursuit of grand milestones becomes a driving force. But when achievement is fueled by external validation rather than internal passion and motivation, the end result often feels lacking.

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Addicted to success -

The finish line keeps moving, and the joy of accomplishment is fleeting. Much like most other addictive behaviors, the success addict is always thinking about, or striving for, the next big hit.

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The corporate climb -

They climb the corporate ladder, accumulate accolades, and tell themselves their next project or achievement will finally allow them to relax and be happy. Which, of course, it doesn't.

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What's next? -

This toxic cycle is heightened by comparison culture and social media; creating a distorted view of success, and amplifying self-doubt. The high-achiever, who outwardly appears to have it all, is left battling an internal monologue that presses, "What's next?” and “It’s not enough.”

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Great "societal" expectations -

Individuals often seen in high-pressure environments who can fall down the unhappy achievement rabbit hole include corporate executives, entrepreneurs, athletes, and creative professionals. The societal expectation that success equals happiness creates an invisible pressure cooker, leading many to chase external validation at the expense of their well-being and personal fulfillment.

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Fake it till you make it -

Unhappy achievers are unusually skilled fakers. They appear to be the life and soul of the party, in stark contrast to how they are really feeling inside. They’re often the awe or envy of others, enamored by their outward charm, charisma, confidence, and intelligence.

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Burning bright, burning out -

With people looking to high achievers for guidance, this added pressure makes them embarrassed and ashamed to ask for help or admit they are struggling. Burnout is, unsurprisingly, very common.

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Driven to the brink - Pushing oneself to meet unrealistic demands often comes at the expense of mental, emotional, and physical health. Chronic stress takes its toll on both personal and professional relationships, leaving little room for meaningful connection.

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Imposter syndrome -

When identity is wed to profession and performance, till death you do part, another hidden cost is the loss of identity. “What if I die before I have the chance to exist?” “Who am I outside of my achievements?” Setbacks can feel devastating and imposter syndrome is on the other end of the line, waiting for you to pick up.

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Perfectionism -

The exhaustion and mental load are miserable to bear, and for those who also suffer from perfectionism, which goes hand in hand with unhappy achievement, an existential crisis is usually the next stop.

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Concerning stats -

In an article reported by Fast Company, more than 1,900 CEOs left their jobs in 2023, and 19 died in office, the highest level since 2010. Psychology Today shared research that revealed that high achievers have a high rate of depression.

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Concerning stats -

According to the latest report by the World Health Organisation (WHO) globally, an estimated 12 billion working days are lost every year to depression and anxiety, at a cost of US$1 trillion per year in lost productivity.

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Regulating ambition in overdrive -

Like everyone, unhappy achievers seek to be valued and loved for who they are, not merely for their accomplishments. To overcome this pattern, it’s essential to redefine success.

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Signs you might be an unhappy achiever -

Recognizing the signs of being an unhappy achiever is the first step toward addressing the issue. Do you suffer from any of the following?

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Persistent feelings of emptiness -

Despite reaching goals, you might feel a lingering sense of nothingness or lack of purpose.

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Constant comparison - Regularly comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and dissatisfaction, even when you are objectively successful.

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Lack of joy in accomplishments -

Achievements that once brought happiness may no longer do so, leading to a diminished sense of fulfillment.

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Overworking -

Continuously pushing yourself to achieve more can create a vicious cycle of stress and exhaustion, leaving little time for relaxation or personal interests.

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Breaking free from the achievement trap -

To overcome the pitfalls of being an unhappy achiever, it's essential to shift your focus from external success to internal fulfillment. Here's how.

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Redefine success -

Instead of measuring success solely by external markers, like promotions or awards, consider what truly brings you joy and satisfaction. Personal growth, meaningful relationships, and work-life balance are crucial components of a fulfilling life.

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Cultivate gratitude -

Regularly acknowledging and appreciating your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your life can enhance your overall sense of well-being.

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Pursue meaningful connections -

Building strong, supportive relationships can provide emotional fulfillment that surpasses the temporary satisfaction of achieving goals.

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Prioritize self-care -

Taking time to care for your mental and physical health is essential. Practices like mindfulness, regular exercise, and adequate rest can help mitigate the stress associated with high achievement.

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Seek professional support -

Therapy or coaching can provide valuable insights and strategies for managing the pressures of high achievement and finding greater personal satisfaction.

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Create balance -

Creating balance is crucial. Building boundaries around work and dedicating time to rest, play, and connection can prevent burnout and foster a greater sense of purpose.

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Success does not guarantee happiness -

The story of the unhappy achiever serves as a powerful reminder that success alone does not guarantee happiness. Achieving external goals is commendable, but true fulfillment comes from aligning your achievements with your personal values and well-being.

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Dream big, but don’t break -

Addressing the psychological factors and societal pressures that drive the unhappy achiever phenomenon provides a comprehensive understanding and actionable steps for creating a more balanced and satisfying life.

Sources: (WHO) (Fast Company) (Psychology Today)

See also: The dangers of perfectionism and how to overcome it

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