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Warning signs -

The following are a number of signs that you should look out for in others. Whether it is a partner, a friend, or a colleague, the gaslighter should be identified for what they are.

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They are a liar -

A shameless liar can come out with the most outrageous and blatant lies, but that's a bit simpler to handle because then you would just question everything they say.  

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They are a liar -

But someone who gaslights wants you to be completely unsure of what you think, and where you stand. They are masters of manipulation.

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They deny saying something -

You know that they said a particular thing, but they completely deny it. They won't for a second concede that you are right.

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They deny saying something -

Then, you may start questioning yourself. The more this happens, the more you may believe their perverse narrative and doubt yourself. 

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They use what you care about most as ammunition -

This sort of behavior is extremely toxic. They could attack your choice of career, education, your sense of self-worth, and essentially anything they can use to undermine your character.

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They use what you care about most as ammunition -

The gaslighter can even tell you how terrible you are as a parent, and that you are not worthy of having children. Do not underestimate the depths to which they can sink. 

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They wear you down -

When something happens very gradually, people often don't notice it happening. Think of aging, for example. If you are being gaslighted, you may just feel increasingly exhausted and weary. 

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They wear you down -

This poisonous behavior needs to be identified as early as possible. Gaslighting can be so effective, that even highly intelligent and confident people can eventually be worn down by it. 

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Their words don't match their actions -

Talk is cheap. Anybody can say anything without making much of an effort. What matters is what someone does, their actions.

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Their words don't match their actions -

If you are being gaslighted, you could be given all kinds of verbal reassurances about a huge number of things, but none of it means anything if it doesn't align with actions.

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They occasionally praise you -

If an abusive, gaslighting person believes that perhaps their behavior has gone too far, they will lure you back to their side by suddenly being nice to you.

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They occasionally praise you -

But this is all part of their manipulation. Making you think that perhaps they are not so bad, after all, is a great way for them to continue gaslighting you.

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They want to confuse you -

Most people get a sense of comfort through having stability, and they feel confident in their surroundings and relationships.

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They want to confuse you -

A gaslighter will try and undermine your confidence, and not allow you to have this sense of wellbeing, which is why their behavior is particularly unpleasant.

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They project onto you -

A classic gaslighting technique is to project their bad behavior onto you. For example, if they are cheating on you, they will accuse you of being a cheater.

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They project onto you -

The same can apply for any negative attribute that they have. This wretched technique can work, because while you are defending yourself, they are continuing with their own awful behavior.

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They turn people against you -

People who gaslight ultimately want to control your life and behavior. So, they will say that other people have said various bad things about you, in the hopes that you will cut off your support system.

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They turn people against you -

This is likely to be entirely fiction, as a gaslighter is a constant liar. However, they thrive on your insecurity and want you to confide in and rely on them.

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They tell you that you're crazy -

Perhaps the most immoral technique of all, making someone question their own sanity and rationality is a fundamental part of gaslighting.

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They tell you that you're crazy -

If they manage to persuade you to hesitate over your own thoughts, they are then able to manipulate you into thinking that nobody would believe you if you told them about the gaslighter's behavior.

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They tell you everyone else is a liar -

The reason for this gaslighting technique is to keep you close to them, and for you to rely on them to be honest. Whereas in reality, they are anything but.

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They tell you everyone else is a liar -

They may even be able to persuade you that everyone you know, including your family, is lying to or about you. This is how dangerous a gaslighter can be.

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How to defend yourself against gaslighters -

The following are a number of techniques that you can use to resist and combat gaslighting behavior. All hope is certainly not lost if you're in a gaslighting situation!

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Try not to dehumanize them -

What a gaslighter does is undoubtedly terrible. However, they are often deeply damaged people themselves. Try to work out if there is anything worth saving in the relationship.

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React to their claims in the right way -

Gaslighters want you to react in a strongly emotional way, so they can accuse you of irrationality. Stay calm, and tell them that you don't share their perspective on things.

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Don't second-guess yourself -

If you find that you are questioning your own behavior, try and resist this. That might mean getting reassurance by talking to a friend outside of the confines of your relationship.

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Seek help -

Whether it is to recover from a gaslighting relationship that you have removed yourself from, or if it is to try and fix your current relationship, therapy can help. Just bear in mind that a gaslighter may be very reluctant to get help.

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Don't feel bad about leaving -

If you feel that there is nothing worth saving, leave, for your own good. Don't expect the gaslighter to accept any wrongdoing. Just make it clear that you want out.

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Enjoy a new and free life! -

Everyone deserves to be happy, respected, and not to have to constantly question everything. Once you are free from gaslighting, do as much as you can to avoid gaslighters in the future.

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