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"What's wrong with you?" -

According to family therapist Karyl McBride, "When a trusted adult—a person upon whom the child is dependent for everything—indicates that something is wrong with the child, a child will internalize this and believe it. They will ask themselves what is wrong with them—and they won’t be able to find the answer."

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"You're being too sensitive" -

The child will most likely believe they can't trust or express their feelings, because they're wrong. This can be damaging because the child will believe that indeed something is wrong with them.

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"Leave me alone" -

Say this too much and you risk your child actually doing this on a permanent basis. If you're always unavailable, then there's no point in talking to you, right?

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"Don't eat that or you'll get fat" -

This is a great way to kick start an eating disorder in your kid. It's parents' responsibility what they feed their children. Children should not be worrying about their body image and their diet.

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"Stop being such a baby" -

Children are not expected to behave like adults. Even if they're behaving "too childish," maybe there's a reason. Kids might revert to old patterns of behavior when they're anxious, nervous, or scared.

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"You make me so mad" -

In the words of psychologist Timothy Gunn, "The number one job of a parent is to stay calm no matter what happens." This models for our kids how we want them to behave.

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"You're making me sad" -

Your emotional well-being is your responsibility, not your child's. It's positive for children to understand that their behavior affects other people, but that's different from being responsible for their parents' feelings.

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"I'm disappointed in you" -

Children are not responsible for your feelings, including your disappointment. Telling them so will only make them feel bad and guilty.

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"You did great on your test, but why can't you do that all the time?" -

You can ruin any positive reinforcement with a "but." Sure, you should encourage your kids to do the best they can, but maybe wait for another time to do so. Let them enjoy the victory!

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"I do everything for you" -

Well, this is hardly the case, but the real problem is that the child will always feel guilty if they do anything "wrong" that would upset mom or dad. After all, they're selfless, right?

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"I can never say no to you" -

Children need boundaries and you can only enforce them by saying "no" sometimes.

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"I don't know how we're going to pay the bills this month" -

Children don't need to know the details of their parents' financial struggles. This will only make them feel anxious.

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"I'm just going to leave you here then" -

This will rarely have the desired effect: that the child will come with you. Instead, it will make them feel less secure and that you don't care for them. Feeling abandoned is not a good thing.

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"You can be anything you want to be" -

It's great to encourage kids, but be careful with overly-ambitious goals. It's okay if they don't become the next sports star or rich entrepreneur. They can still be great.

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"You're way better than [other kid]" -

"Children believe it when their parents tell them that they are more special than others. That may not be good for them or for society," says Brad Bushman, a professor of communication and psychology.

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"You're okay" -

If your child is crying and is clearly upset, telling they that they're okay won't help. First acknowledge that indeed they're not okay, and then try to figure out why.

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"You're just like your father/mother" -

This is manipulative and will force your child to pick sides, while feeling horrible about the fact that they too share the [insert bad trait] their mom/dad has.

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"Practice makes perfect" -

While it's a good idea to encourage your kids, you might want to manage their expectations. They might find themselves practicing and not achieving perfection and questioning if they're good enough.

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"Shame on you" -

Shame is not something young children understand, but they will. And once they do, they might become defiant and even aggressive when they feel it.

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"You'll never be any different" -

Beware of using words such as "never" or "always." "Statements like these place children in a box of negativity or permanence—suggesting that they are always a certain way, and incapable or unexpected to improve," says Daniel Patterson, author of 'The Assertive Parent.'

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"You live under my roof, you follow my rules" -

Threatening your children is probably not  a good idea, especially with something you're not really going to follow through on.

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"You better do what I say, or else" -

Instead, explain the reasoning why they should do something or stop a certain behavior. They'll be more likely to comply if they understand why you're asking them to do or stop doing something.

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"Big boys/girls don't get scared" -

Yes they do! All kids (and adults, for that matter) get scared, regardless of age. This only invalidates and dismisses their emotional response.

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"Hurry up and get ready" -

Most of us have heard this one during our childhood. It's instinctive, but it doesn't really work because kids will just get stressed and not actually hurry up. Instead, try giving your child specific steps on what needs to happen next.

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"You're so lazy" -

If they're being "lazy," usually there's an underlying reason for it. Try to understand why, instead of attacking your kid's sense of self-worth.

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"Calm down" -

"If they could, they would! You can never get through to a child when they're throwing a tantrum," says parenting and child development expert Denise Daniels. Try to remain calm, validate their feelings, and just be patient.

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"Stop crying right now" -

Children cry to express their emotions, including frustration. They learn to regulate them the older they get, but suppressing them is not the answer.

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"You're an idiot" -

Not only is this derogatory, but it can have a serious impact on the child. Pediatric psychologist Brittany N. Barber Garcia says that "this can not only negatively impact a child's mood, self-esteem, and self-confidence, but it can also undermine your relationship and make the child less likely to do what you want in the first place."

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"Are you sure you can do that?" -

Kids need to learn with their mistakes. That's how we grow as humans. Stepping in all the time will make your kids believe they are incapable of doing certain tasks and will make them feel dependent on you.

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"Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?" -

This can alienate a child and actually harm your family. Children are individuals and they will always be different and unique, even when raised by the same people in the same way.

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"Don't be mad at your brother/sister" -

Anger is natural. Your kids won't stop being angry at each other because you tell them to. You can't control how they feel, so instead help them cope with how they respond to their feelings.

Sources: (Redbook)

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