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What are expectations? -

An expectation is a belief that a certain event or circumstance will come to pass. They do not have to be rational and can be positive or negative.

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How are they created? -

We often create expectations when we are uncertain about the future because our minds do not like dealing with the unknown.

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How are they created? -

Uncertainty leads us to try and predict the future in our mind's eye. Usually, the more important the subject of the prediction is, the more attached we become to our expectations.

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Who deals them out? -

You have your own expectations for yourself and your life. However, the people around us also have expectations that we sometimes feel we must meet, even if they are unrealistic.

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Fulfilled expectations -

When we set a goal and meet it, we feel happy and accomplished. The same logic applies to positive expectations.

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Positive expectations -

Sometimes, expectations are necessary because they encourage us to live up to a certain standard that is set by ourselves or others. They can push us towards success.

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Unfulfilled expectations -

However, when expectations are not met, we often feel disappointed and frustrated with ourselves and the people around us.

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Self-doubt -

When something doesn't live up to your expectation, it can lead you to question yourself and your knowledge about the world. In short, it lowers your self-esteem.

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Control -

Everything can all of a sudden seem out of control even if many of the circumstances surrounding the expectation could never be under your control in the first place.

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Against the odds -

In spite of rational thinking, you can feel disappointed even if the probability of the expectation being fulfilled was low to begin with.

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Negative expectations -

A negative expectation is when you think something will go worse than you anticipated. For example, you are sure you're going to mess up a job interview.

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Anticipatory anxiety -

Negative expectations lead you to fear future imagined scenarios. In other words, you are anxious about a future you have no control over.

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Different reailty -

The disparity between our negative reality and the uncontrollable future also leads us to feel sad and stressed.

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It's not so bad... -

Even if the reality of an expectation is not as bad as you think, the emotions you felt during the buildup to the event probably weren't very enjoyable.

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Managing expectations -

As expectations are not wholly bad because they can help you reach your goals, the trick is to learn how to manage excessively positive or negative expectations. Learn to be more flexible.

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Many solutions -

Handling unmet expectations will enable you to seek out other solutions without unnecessarily lingering on past disappointments.

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Remember -

First, when you are faced with an unmet expectation, all you need to do is remember. Remember how debilitating getting hung up on negative situations is. It is easier written than done, but it's only the first step.

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How to let go -

Once you have identified that you are getting stuck on a particular instance and need to move on, you can try the following techniques to let go of unmet expectations.

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Awareness -

Take a step back and just be aware of what you are feeling, without judgment nor emotion. Try writing the feelings down on paper.

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Understanding -

In looking at your emotions, it may become easier to rationalize your thoughts and find the causes of certain expectations.

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Acceptance -

Instead of fighting negative emotions and celebrating positive ones, try and just accept everything that's going on, without reaction.

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Acceptance -

It is important to accept the reality of things because, often, no matter how hard you want to change something, you can't.

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Acceptance -

The only thing that it is in your power to do is control your own reactions. There is no use in fretting over anything that is outside of your influence.

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Gratitude -

A way to help find yourself in the present and accept unmet expectations is to remember all the things you are grateful for in your life.

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Gratitude -

Writing a list of things you are thankful for aids in escaping the disappointment you may feel at that moment.

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Mindfulness -

Mindfulness allows you to live in the present and not get carried away with feelings of disappointment or anxiety.

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Mindfulness -

You don't necessarily have to meditate. It is as easy as going for a walk and paying extra attention to nature, or counting your breaths at your desk.

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Releasing resentment -

Much of our expectations are formed by past experiences. Therefore, it is important to try and release old resentments to tackle your current problems.

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Releasing resentment -

To do this, try and trace back where your expectations were not met in the past and consciously let them go. You can do this by writing them down and burning the paper, or saying it out loud. Do whatever works for you.

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Releasing resentment -

Once you let go of your past baggage, your mind will be freer to respond to new unmet expectations in a healthier way that helps you, rather than stunts you.

Sources: (Thrive Global)(Human Psychology)

See also: 10 reasons to practice mindfulness meditation

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