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A mislead society? -

In the modern Western world, through multiple forces, such as the media, we are given the impression that we should lean into our work, that somehow we will feel happy once we have achieved what we set out to do.

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The Harvard Study of Adult Development -

The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the most extended study on adult life that has ever been carried out.

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Beginnings -

Over 80 years ago, in 1940, a team of researchers began tracking the lives of 724 men.

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Scrupulous evaluations -

The researchers tracked every part of their lives since it began, asking about their home lives, work, family, relationships, and anything else relevant to their lives.

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One of a kind -

Very few studies of this kind survive very long for several reasons, i.e. people dropping out of the study, funding being stopped, or researchers becoming disinterested (or dying).

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Multiple generations of participants -

Through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, the study survived. In 2015, about 60 of the original 724 men were still alive and participating in the study. And over 2,000 of the original men’s children are now part of the study too.

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The original participants -

The original participants were from two groups. One group was indoctrinated into the study when they were sophomore students at Harvard University. These men fought in World War II when they graduated.

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The original participants -

The second group was made up of individuals from some of Boston’s poorest neighborhoods.

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Becoming adults -

The participants were interviewed and tested extensively when they joined the study first. They then grew up to become adults in all walks of life. They became doctors, lawyers, drivers, and one participant even became president of the United States (John F. Kennedy).

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Becoming adults -

But some people became alcoholics, and others developed schizophrenia. Some people went from the bottom of the social ladder to the top, and some went in the opposite direction.

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Women are indoctrinated -

To get the most precise picture, they didn't just send them questionnaires. They drew their blood, performed brain scans, talked to their children and friends, got their medical records, and even video recorded them speaking with their wives. Eventually, their wives and other women became subjects of the research too.

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Valuable insight -

By looking at human beings throughout their entire adult lives, the team of researchers can offer some valuable insight into what makes a happy and healthy life.

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Social connection -

To start with, people who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community are physically healthier, happier, and live longer.

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Loneliness -

Loneliness is a killer. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain function declines sooner, and they live shorter lives overall than people who are not lonely.

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Loneliness affects all generations -

The sad fact is that loneliness, especially within populations in more affluent countries, is very prevalent. It is commonplace amongst senior citizens, but younger people are also very susceptible to feeling lonely.

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The quality of close relationships -

The second most significant lesson from the study was that the quality of people’s close relationships is essential to their happiness.

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Conflicted relationships -

The study suggests that highly conflicted marriages, without much affection, are terrible for people’s health and are perhaps even worse for their well-being than getting divorced.

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Healthy relationships -

Conversely, good relationships are protective of our health and well-being. Looking back at people’s lives, the ones who had healthy relationships fared the best when they got older.

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Growing old -

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.

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Relationships and perception of pain -

Older people in good relationships reported that their moods were just as good even when they experienced physical pain.

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Relationships and perception of pain -

When people who were in unhappy relationships felt physical pain, their emotional pain magnified it.

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Relationships and brain health -

Another lesson from the study was that good relationships are not only good for our bodies, but they are also good for our brains.

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Relationships and memory -

People who were in securely-attached relationships, one’s where they found that they could rely on their partners in times of need, held onto their memories for longer.

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Relationships and memory -

People who were in relationships and felt like they couldn't count on the other person experienced earlier memory decline.

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A good relationship doesn't mean constant harmony -

The kinds of relationships that affected people’s memories weren’t defined by constant harmony without any bickering. What was important was whether or not they felt like they could rely on the other person.

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You're never too old to make new friends -

The people who were happiest in their retirement in this study were the ones who had actively gone out to replace their workmates with new friends.

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An easy message to forget -

The message that "relationships are important" is as old as the hills, so why is it so easy to forget? The truth is that we are human, and we want quick fixes. Fostering good relationships is hard work, and it can be messy.

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Leaning into relationships -

The original participants thought that wealth and achievement would be a catalyst for their happiness. However, the research proved that people who fared the best and were happiest and healthiest were those who leaned into relationships, not work.

Sources: (Harvard Medical School)(Harvard Health Publishing)

See also: Top tips for a happy retirement

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