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Leaving the honeymoon phase is difficult, but normal -

Just like the phases that come before and after it, the honeymoon phase is natural and important. It’s a blissful time when people are generally happy, comfortable, will rarely argue, and will spend a lot of time together. They’ll also share a lot more intimate things about themselves and view each other as flawless. It’s a precious time that feels difficult to leave.

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How to know if you’re leaving the honeymoon phase -

Relationship experts tend to say this phase will begin to wean out anywhere from six months to two years, depending on the couple. It’s important to note that it’s not the end of intensity or intimacy, but there is a notable difference.

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First: don’t stress -

If you’re stressing about your relationship not being exactly as it was when you first started, you’re only getting in your own way by bringing tension to the table. Change is not the sign to end your relationship.

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Understand the currency of priority -

One of the main reasons the honeymoon phase ends is because in real life there are other things that can at times become more important than your relationship, and it therefore necessarily becomes less of an all-consuming thing. But you can still show your investment in the relationship!

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Understand the currency of priority -

Setting aside times where you both prioritize the relationship—maybe it’s going on a vacation, or having a weekly date night—will show each other that even though you’re not in each other’s schedules as much as you were before, you’re still prioritizing one another.

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Get clear about what you want and need -

The real world comes crashing in once you’re out of the honeymoon phase, and with that comes your real-world needs and expectations. You can save yourself hundreds of arguments by both making it very clear what you need from each other.

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Make small signs of commitment -

Having a toothbrush at the other person’s house or clearing out a drawer for your partner are small gestures that go a long way.

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Prepare to see flaws -

In the honeymoon phase, a person’s flaws can seem charming, you might have more empathy and compassion for them, and you might view their idiosyncrasies as adorable. When that changes, it can seem like the relationship is doomed, but it’s important to know that this would happen in any relationship!

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Be realistic with your criticism -

While you notice all these flaws, be mindful that your partner is also noticing yours. It’s a crucial stage in the relationship to see what you can live with and what you can’t. Being realistic and acknowledging that your partner isn’t ever going to be perfect can cushion the blow.

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Set ground rules for arguments -

After the honeymoon phase, arguments can feel bigger than they are just because they’re new. But this is actually a wonderful time to set some rules for your inevitable future arguments. Examples include keeping a warm tone, not cutting each other off, taking a five-minute breather, hugging or saying “I love you” to take the edge off, etc.

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Practice forgiveness -

In the honeymoon phase, we “forgive” small flaws because we’re enveloped in a bigger picture, but past the honeymoon phase it’s important to keep forgiveness as a part of your conscious approach to the relationship. You will not last if you harbor minor grievances instead of quickly moving on from them.

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Keep seeing them with new eyes -

One of the reasons the honeymoon phase is so wonderful is because you are both revealing yourselves and learning about the other, which is exciting and fresh. Keeping this energy and noticing new things about your partner can make a huge difference.

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Flirt with them -

Just because you’re an established couple now doesn’t mean flirting is unnecessary. If you keep flirting—a kiss here, a steamy text message there, etc.—you’ll be sure to keep the romance alive.

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Keep the compliments flowing -

Just because you’ve told them how good they look a hundred times in the honeymoon phase doesn’t mean they’re going to be tired of hearing it—let’s face it, would you? The key here is to not ever let your partner wonder if you’re still attracted to them.

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Make lifestyle changes -

Maybe you were both going out a lot while dating, but one of you actually prefers to stay in while the other loves going out; adjusting your habits slightly to meet in the middle can help ease the transition out of the honeymoon excitement and into something more realistically sustainable.

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Don’t overdo it -

While it might seem like the solution to feeling farther apart is to merge your lives even more, it’s actually best to keep your lives individual—with your own friends and hobbies—so that you don’t lose your sense of self and can thus keep the original spark of what first attracted your partner.

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Take responsibility for your own happiness -

A common reason people break up after the honeymoon phase is because they place their happiness in another person, and as soon as that wavers they blame the relationship and break it off. Acknowledging that your partner is not responsible for your happiness—that only you are—will ensure that you weather any approaching storms together instead of blaming them.

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Practice intimacy -

Some people think intimacy is a level one achieves and remains at, but it’s actually like a muscle that needs to be exercised. It involves listening and understanding someone’s deepest feelings, as well as sharing your own. It also means working through conflict in ways that honor your relationship, building trust, and tearing down defensive borders while still feeling safe.

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Work on your communication -

Communication is the most cited issue when it comes to relationships, and it’s also one of the main components of what makes the honeymoon phase so wonderful. Don’t assume that the other person just knows what you’re thinking now that you’re in a committed relationship! Keep the thoughts flowing out loud, even if you think you’re repeating yourself.

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Be proactive about external threats -

Things like social media, communication with exes, and lots of time spent apart are external threats that should be discussed as you move into a more serious phase of your relationship. Make your boundaries clear, respect the boundaries of your partner, and compromise where your lines cross.

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Learn from long-term couples -

Most of our examples of love come from the media’s portrayal in movies, TV, and books, but they’re often depicting the intense and dramatic honeymoon phase. Look at how real-life long-term couples handle their problems and expectations—you’ll find that it’s a lot less dramatic, but a lot more rewarding.

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Get adventurous -

One of the reasons the honeymoon phase “ends” is because there’s an element of predictability that settles in once you get to know someone. Keeping your partner guessing a little, whether it’s in bed or with your date night activities or even with little gifts or subjects of conversation, can keep both of your attentions piqued.

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Avoid assumptions -

Assumptions kill conversation and breed misunderstandings. Instead of assuming something of your partner because you “know” each other now, keep asking questions and listening thoroughly to their answers.

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Keep asking about their day -

Even if you saw them throughout the day, people often have a lot going on under the surface and what seems like a regular day to you could have been covering up a tumultuous inner dilemma. Don’t stop asking your partner how their day went, but make sure you’re giving their response your full attention.

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Learn how to make the other feel loved - Everyone has their own love language—their preferred way to give and receive love—and learning how your partner best registers love is the best way to keep each other satisfied and stay in love together.

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Plan a trip -

Just as honeymoons are traditionally trips taken away together, if you want to revive that old spirit, plan a honeymoon-esque trip. It doesn’t have to be too far, long, or expensive—just a change of environment and some private, quality time is enough.

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Build a foundation of appreciation -

Entering the honeymoon phase is partly due to the fact that we naturally start to take regular things for granted. But taking time every day to express your appreciation, gratitude, and respect for the small things is a beautiful form of affection that will ease your transition immensely and pave the way for a healthy, happy relationship.

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Experience awe together -

Researchers have found that the feeling of awe appears to be a component of the first phase of love, so finding ways to experience awe together after already being in awe of each other can help stoke the flame. Because your perception of the world and your place in it changes when you meet someone you love, you can do activities that evoke the same feeling...

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Experience awe together -

Some examples include: getting out into nature, learning about awe-inspiring phenomena like the human body or dinosaurs, getting out of your comfort zone (physically or mentally), listening to beautiful music, stargazing, and so forth—experiences that help you feel humbled and connected.

Sources: (Psychology Today) (Fairy God Boss) (Art of Wellbeing)

See also: Why it's good to feel small

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