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Introducing single shaming -

If you have ever spent any of your adult life single, you’ve probably been single-shamed once or twice. You might not have heard of the term, but been a victim of the practice nonetheless.

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Defining the term -

The term "single shaming" refers to the act of calling out someone who is single and making them feel inferior just because they’re not in a relationship.

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Single shaming in action -

Examples of single shaming include making comments such as, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll find your person soon,” or, “If you just do X, I’m sure you’ll find someone to date!”

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Contemporary issue -

It might seem ridiculous that this is still a problem in the 21st century, but research shows that single shaming is still very much alive and kicking.

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Number crunch - In fact, recent research from Match showed that 52% of people have experienced some form of single shaming since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.

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Digging deeper -

Some 38% of those people said they had been pitied for not having a partner, and 30% for the simple fact that they live alone.

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Strange phenomenon -

This is all in spite of the fact that 59% of those people reported being satisfied with their current relationship status.

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Going back years -

So why the obsession with single shaming? Unfortunately, this is difficult to unravel, because the phenomenon is very deep rooted.

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The 'spinster' -

Of course, women have always been judged by their marital status. Historically, before women went to work, they were unable to have much of a life at all without a husband.

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21st-century spinsters -

While this is thankfully no longer the case, many women often find that their relationship status is the first thing people ask about, rather than their career or friends.

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Single shaming in men -

Single shaming is often worse for women, although that’s not to say that men are not judged for being unpartnered.

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The gender discrepancies -

Single women are often assumed to be undesirable or have some deep-rooted character flaw, while single men are sometimes thought of as childish or sex-obsessed.

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The damage it does -

Single shaming is more prolific and more harmful than you might initially imagine. Of course, it is perfectly possible to live a happy and fulfilling life as a singleton.

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Reality check - While some single people feel they may be happier in a relationship and be actively seeking that out, others are perfectly content with their single status and wouldn’t change a thing.

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Demeaning behavior - In either case, it can be very demeaning for those people to constantly have to field questions about their relationship status and have people pity them for not having a partner.

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How to cope with being single shamed -

So, what can we do about it? First of all, let’s take a look at some tactics for coping if someone does single shame you.

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Take a deep breath -

A good first step is to take a deep breath. Remember that most of the time single-shaming comments are not intended to hurt or offend you.

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Assume good intentions - Most people have been raised in a society that teaches them being in a committed relationship is a necessary component of a happy life, and they just want the best for you.

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Move the conversation on - Try not to get angry, and respond in a nondescript way about your dating life. Make a comment like, “I guess I haven’t met the right person yet. How’s your work going?”

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Try to rise above -

If you do find that someone keeps pushing and it’s clear their intention is to offend you, try to rise above it and don’t become defensive. Keep responses short and don’t feel the need to justify yourself.

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How to not single shame others -

When it comes to avoiding single shaming others (which many of us do inadvertently), it’s important to remember that being in a relationship does not always mean happiness.

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Remember we're all different -

Your single friend may be perfectly happy not to have a partner, and may not be in any rush at all to change their relationship status.

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Don't give unsolicited advice - Even if you sense that your friend might wish to be in a relationship, that does not mean they necessarily want your advice or sympathy.

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Let them come to you - Avoid making comments and giving advice unless it is solicited. Wait for your friend to bring the topic up, rather than broaching it yourself.

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How to stop single shaming yourself -

And, finally, what can you do to stop single shaming yourself? Many more of us are more guilty of it than we might think.

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Be kind to yourself -

Firstly, remember to be kind to yourself. If you are actively looking for a relationship and haven’t found the right person yet, do not be too hard on yourself.

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Don't beat yourself up -

Remember that your need for physical and emotional intimacy is perfectly natural, and do not beat yourself up for feeling that.

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Remember the upsides -

Remember, too, that there are many upsides to being single. Singletons have unparalleled freedom and uncapped opportunity for personal growth—lean into that!

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Your own journey -

Finally, remind yourself that you’re on your own journey, and that the timeline is no one’s but your own. Your day-to-day happiness is the most important thing.

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In conclusion -

So there you have a heads-up about single shaming and some tips for how to dismantle the tendency. Together we can take this thing down!

Sources: (BBC) (Cosmopolitan)

See also: What to do if you're in an unhappy relationship

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