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What is an identity crisis? -

An identity crisis is a personal, psychosocial conflict that involves confusion about one’s social role and sense of self. The sense of identity itself becomes insecure and unstable.

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When does it occur? -

It’s most common during adolescence, but it’s becoming increasingly popular in older ages as many roles continue to shift in society, comparison is at an all-time high in the age of social media, and we have ever more research available into the intersectional reasons behind why we are the way we are.

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Why does it occur? -

Erik Erikson, who introduced the concept of the identity crisis in the 1950s, theorized that the root of identity crises begin when you do not establish a role for yourself but rather you feel like you were forced into an identity.

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Often tied to rebellion - Because it comes out of a feeling of being forced or stuck in an identity, these crises are often experienced through rebellion and unhappiness. A midlife crisis is quite similar, and whether it involves the cliched buying of an expensive sports car or dating a much younger person, it’s a form of rebellion.

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Common causes of identity crises -

One of the biggest causes is the experience of a traumatic event. That can include an accident or the loss of a loved one.

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Common causes of identity crises -

Another common cause is experiencing a significant health issue. That can include being diagnosed with cancer or a chronic illness.

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Common causes of identity crises -

Other common causes of identity crises involve major life transitions. That can look like moving to a new city, switching careers, entering or exiting a significant relationship, coming out with your sexual orientation, becoming a parent, retiring, and so forth.

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Common causes of identity crises -

All of the aforementioned things are quite regular occurrences when we think about life at large, but perhaps none is more common than aging. That’s why adolescents have it, and there are quarter- and mid-life crises. Sometimes aging alone can trigger a crisis for someone who tied their identity to their youth.

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Common signs -

We often try band-aid solutions to temporarily fix our unhappiness instead of digging in deeper to see what these bad feelings might be indicating. In the case of the following symptoms, you might be experiencing an identity crisis, which will take more than just some exercise or sunshine to fix.

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Questioning your purpose or passion -

With an identity crisis, you may feel lost or aimless while doing the very things that once validated you. Because of this, you may also find that you’re having difficulty answering questions about yourself.

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Feeling unsure of your values -

Are you often questioning whether your values align with your work, your relationship, or any other areas in your life? You may feel unsure of what is important and whether your daily activities are important.

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Questioning your own behavior -

Do you find that you’re altering your values or inclinations frequently to match your environment or relationships? In a mild form this could be a normal adaptation to circumstances, but if you’re not sure why you’re acting a certain way around certain people, that’s a red flag.

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Experiencing anxiety or unrest -

You can physically feel fatigued, irritable, and less motivated when experiencing an identity crisis. Emotionally, you may feel scattered and have difficulty regulating your emotions.

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Difficulty trusting your ability to make decisions -

This is a period of great indecision where you may doubt every choice you make and second guess yourself—and that’s if you manage to make a decision in the first place.

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A disconnect with how your life looks “on paper” -

A sign that you’re experiencing an identity crisis is when you can see how your life looks from the outside and it may indeed look great on paper, but you still feel deeply unsatisfied or unhappy. This is coupled with a frustration at the disconnect itself.

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Your relationships feel different -

When you feel disconnected, your relationships will as well. According to MindBodyGreen, much psychological research suggests that our relationships inform how we view ourselves, so if all your friends are becoming parents while you’re still child-free, your changing relationship with them can make you question your own self.

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Low self-esteem and questioning your worth - There is unfortunately a lot of negative self-talk associated with identity crises. These increased feelings of insecurity can go so far as to make you question your worth in the current roles that you play.

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Your inner voice is louder than ever -

Is your inner voice becoming difficult or impossible to ignore? Oftentimes this inner knowing gets louder when it wants you to pay attention to something that is deeply off in your life.

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What to do next? -

The first step is becoming aware of your emotions, which involves giving yourself permission to experience those signs without judging yourself for it or feeling extra bad on top of it all. Write down how you’re feeling so that you can quiet your mind and see the problem clearly in front of you.

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Stop thinking of it as a crisis -

An identity crisis is not a clinical diagnosis, but rather it’s an arguably necessary part of human development that allows us to grow and ask important questions about our beliefs and values.

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Avoid negative coping mechanisms -

It’s easy to resort to forms of rebellion and self-sabotage when the very concept of self seems out of reach, but avoid escapist behavior, along with substance abuse and romantic distractions, because you’ll only be delaying your progress.

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Redefine your core values -

If you can’t seem to hone in on your core values, it’s a good idea to redefine what those are for you. Ask yourself what is most important in life to you right now, what values do you want to uphold?

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Take note of spaces and their effect on you -

Sometimes it may be the spaces that are hindering your ability to fully express your true identity, and removing yourself from toxic environments—be it a workplace or even a family home—or setting boundaries within them can do wonders for your sense of self.

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Leave the past in the past -

Clinging to a past idea of yourself is doing you no service. If you were the top of your class when you were younger and now you’re struggling at a new job, for example, do yourself a favor and leave the burden of comparison behind as it will only slow you down.

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Create a mental fitness plan -

We know how to take care of our physical fitness—to eat healthy food, exercise, get sunlight, drink water. But what about your mental fitness? Are you putting aside time to be mindful, do you have a mental health hygiene routine when it comes to how much you’re on your phone, and are you doing things that bring you joy?

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Talk to loved ones and community members -

Our identity on our own is one thing, but as social beings it relies equally on affirmation from our friends, family, and community. Ask them what they think of when they think of you, and verbalize the kind of identity and the kind of values you want for yourself so you won’t feel alone in this crisis. They’ll likely know how you feel!

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Enlist a coach -

Whether it’s a career coach or a grief counselor, there is no shame in getting a personal guide to help you navigate this turbulent time with a clear, educated, and objective perspective. They can create a unique roadmap for your path forward.

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Try to stay optimistic about the future -

An identity crisis might actually be one of the best things that can happen to you because it encourages you to make a radical change in your life or your perception of yourself. If you lost your job, you now have time to pursue that hobby you always wanted. If you’re going through a divorce, you might have a better partner on their way.

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Make sure your identity can exist on its own -

Oftentimes people make the mistake of tying their identity to something that can change or disappear, like a job or a romantic relationship.

Sources: (BetterUp) (Choosing Therapy) (MindBodyGreen) 

See also: How and why you should separate your identity from work

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