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Don't expect to fall in love with your partner's children overnight -

Get to know them, but also know that love and affection take time to develop.

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Keep perspective -

This is new for everyone, so expect to feel lost. Seek understanding and don’t force people to blend.

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Let your stepchild set the pace -

Every child is different and will show you how slow or fast to go as you get to know them. Given enough time, patience, and interest, most children will eventually give you a chance.

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Find ways to experience "real life" together -

Taking your kids to a theme park or the cinema every time you get together is a lot of fun, but it isn't reflective of everyday life. Try to also get them used to your partner and their children in daily life situations.

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Make parenting changes before you move in together -

Agree with your new partner how you intend to parent together, and then make any necessary adjustments to your parenting styles before you move in together.

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Keep all parents involved -

Keep in mind that consistent guidelines with their other parent is needed as well. It's important that all parents are involved and work toward a parenting collaboration.

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Dealing with the death of a parent -

When a parent has died, a new romantic relationship with the remaining parent may trigger unfinished grieving in children. Give them space and time to grieve.

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Don't allow ultimatums -

Your kids or new partner may put you in a situation where you feel you have to choose between them. Remind them that you want them both in your life.

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Let them know there's no replacement -

Tell the children that your new partner won't be a replacement mom or dad, but another person to love and support them.

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Insist on respect -

You can't insist on people liking each other, but you can insist that they treat one another with respect.

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Understand your role -

Establish your role as a stepparent as more of a friend or counselor, rather than a disciplinarian.

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Let the parent be the primary behavior manager -

The parent and stepparent can make decisions and decide on consequences, but it needs to be the parent who takes the lead in communicating those decisions. Over time, the stepparent can become increasingly involved in the discipline.

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Use routines and rituals to bond -

Routines and rituals can help you bond with your new stepchildren and unite the family as a whole. For example, cooking together offers a great opportunity for you to talk and bond with your children and stepchildren.

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Disagreements are normal -

Keep in mind that all brothers and sisters fight and "fall out," so don't assume all family arguments are the result of living in a blended family.

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Beware of favoritism -

Don't overcompensate by favoring your stepchildren. This is a common mistake, made in an attempt to avoid indulging your own children.

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Make special arrangements -

If some of the kids "just visit," make sure they have their personal things there too. For example, bringing toothbrushes each time makes them feel like a visitor, not a family member.

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Make sure they visit their other parent -

Give children continued access to their other home. Forcing kids to stay away from the other household will only lead to the children resenting your relationship, even if you mean well.

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Spend time every day with your child -

Even in the best of blended families, children still need to enjoy some "alone time" with their parent. Therefore, try to find some one-on-one time daily.

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Be encouraging -

When appropriate, you can also encourage your partner to spend regular one-on-one time with their child.

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Honor differences -

Members of your blended family may be at various life stages and have different needs. For example, one kid might be a teenager, while the other is a toddler. Family members need to understand and honor those differences.

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Anticipate bumps in the road -

Stepfamily life can be challenging, so don’t expect perfection. Try not to overreact or take things personally.

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Figure out what to call each other -

To avoid any uncomfortable situations, discuss what to call each other and decide how to introduce one another in public. Maybe it's by name or as "stepdad," "stepmom," etc.

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Create an honest and open environment -

A judgment-free environment will help children feel heard and emotionally connected to their stepparent. Show them that you can be understanding.

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Traditions -

Most families have different ways to celebrate annual events, such as birthdays and holidays.  Children may feel resentful if they’re forced to go along with someone else’s traditions. Try to find some common ground or create new traditions for your blended family.

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Nurture your relationship and learn to communicate well -

While new couples without kids can use their first months together to build on their relationship, couples in a blended family are often more consumed with their kids than each other. Make sure you also focus on one other.

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Don't forget to go on dates -

This includes also setting aside time as a couple by making regular dates, or meeting for lunch or coffee during school time.

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Talk with others -

Before you begin, you might want to educate yourself about living as a stepfamily. Also, ask other stepfamilies about their experiences.

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Remember that you're linked together by choice -

When you decide to make a family with an individual who also has children, this comes with a unique set of responsibilities and should be taken seriously. Be intentional about developing a relationship with their children.

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You're also important -

Not being related by blood, or the main guardian, doesn't make you any less important. Blended families are just as valuable as any other family. 

Sources: (PureWow) (Child Mind Institute) (HelpGuide)

See also: 30 things only divorced people know

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