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Cheating -

Cheating isn’t always pure lust. A person may cheat to either consciously or unconsciously end the relationship, especially if they feel they don’t deserve love or their partner.

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Lack of commitment -

Lack of commitment happens when the relationship progresses and titles like boyfriend or fiancée are natural, but you won't say the words or commit to any deeper feelings.

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Holding grudges -

Holding grudges is common relationship sabotaging behavior, which often stems from your own insecurity and feelings of inferiority.

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Not communicating -

A number of self-sabotaging behaviors involve not communicating clearly or openly, which can be very damaging to the relationship.

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Mind-reading -

"Mind-reading" involves making assumptions about what someone else is feeling, or assuming they’ll understand you without open communication. This is ultimately the major cause of misunderstandings in relationships.

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Passive aggression -

Passive-aggressive behavior can come from a part of you that’s afraid or uncomfortable with experiencing the negative emotions of confrontation. This can lead to misunderstandings and confusion between the couple.

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Withholding gratitude -

Gratitude is an important factor of relationship longevity. When you withhold gratitude, deliberately or subconsciously, you’re signaling to your partner that they’re being taken for granted.

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Unrealistic expectations -

Holding your partner to an unachievable standard is another way to set yourself up for failure. When your unreasonable expectations aren’t met, you might convince yourself the relationship isn’t working.

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Emotional unavailability -

If you have difficulty opening up emotionally, it can make it challenging for your partner to connect with you on a deeper level. This can result in feelings of loneliness and a lack of intimacy.

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Disrespectful behavior -

Self-sabotage in a relationship can be abusive. Especially if it involves gaslighting, manipulation, ignoring boundaries, and physical violence.

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Negativity -

Constant negativity and complaining can be very tiresome and off-putting to the other person. Ultimately, it’s just as easy to concentrate on the positive as it is to focus on what’s wrong.

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Lack of trust -

Anyone who feels continuously second-guessed, or that their partner assumes the worst, won't stay around for long. In a healthy relationship, your partner shouldn’t have to constantly earn your trust.

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Always wanting to be right -

Compromise is essential in any relationship. However, if you have a need to be right all the time, you'll most likely be lonely as well.

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Avoiding intimacy -

Intimacy is crucial in a healthy relationship. When you start running away from important conversations and make excuses not to have sex, you might be sabotaging your relationship.

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Talking often about past relationships -

If you constantly discuss or complain about the person who came before your present partner, you'll likely leave a negative impression. It's time to move on.

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Feeling unworthy -

If you have self-esteem issues, it’s time to get the help you need. Your problems aren't your partner’s responsibility.

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Lack of romance -

Romance doesn't have to end after you've been together a while. Maintaining a relationship is also about keeping the romance alive and making your partner feel loved.

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It's uncomfortable when things go well -

When a person has had prior bad experiences, this is often the case. As a result, you may believe that you don’t deserve your partner, or that something is wrong.

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Pretending to be someone you're not -

It may seem like a good idea to participate in your partner’s interests, until you eventually confess that you despise those activities. Pretending to be someone you're not will only be tiring, and a lie for everyone involved.

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Lack of quality time -

There needs to be more of an effort to see your partner and spend time with them. Quality time is an important part of any relationship dynamic.

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Focusing on their imperfections -

Focusing on your partner's imperfections and being unable to see the good in them is a major red flag. This is often a sign that you're trying to drive a wedge between yourself and your partner.

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Difficulty expressing your needs -

You may be wanting more alone time, but find yourself withholding that need because of fear or insecurity. This can eventually lead to grudges and passive-aggressive behavior. It’s better to communicate openly.

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Walking away is easy -

People expect everything to go perfectly all the time. But when you feel disappointed, it’s best to communicate with your partner rather than to cut ties suddenly.

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Putting energy into everything except your relationship -

A big sign of self-sabotage is if you're putting all your energy into work, your hobbies, or the other people in your life.

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Undervaluing the other person -

It’s easy to overlook your significant other just because you're in a relationship. But if you do so, you're on the fastest road to sabotaging your relationship.

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Not keeping small promises -

If you regularly break promises regarding what time you'll be home or when you'll be spending quality time, this could mean that your partner will eventually resent you.

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Using the silent treatment -

Refusing to speak to someone in your life out of anger, or to teach them a lesson, is extremely toxic. It can be very harmful to any relationship.

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What causes self-sabotaging behavior in relationships? -

There's no universal cause when it comes to self-sabotaging in relationships. However, learned behaviors, attachment style, or past experiences are factors that tend to factor in.

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How to stop self-sabotaging your relationship -

Healing the underlying causes of self-sabotage is the first step toward eliminating these behaviors. So don't hesitate to seek the help of a mental health professional. 

See also: Understanding the many different forms of therapy

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