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Communicating effectively -

We are social animals, and, as such, communication is key for the survival of our species. Things do, however, get a bit tricky when it comes to how effective we are at it. This is mostly true because we communicate with a wide range of people in a wide range of contexts.

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Communicating effectively -

We may, for instance, be great at communicating in a work context, but suck when it’s time to talk to family members. Indeed, finding the right words, articulating them in the right way, and using the right tone is a skill. Many of us just aren’t quite the communication gods we claim to be on our resumes, and that’s absolutely normal.

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Giving things up -

Be it sugar, booze, a job, or a toxic relationship. It’s safe to say that most of us struggle with letting go and giving things up. The mechanism of addiction is complex, otherwise we’d just tell our brain to reset our dopamine cycle. But that’s not quite how things work. Sometimes you may need external help to give things up. Doing so on your own can be exhausting.

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Managing our emotions -

We’re not talking about extremes. Sure, the vast majority of us have some control over our emotions, otherwise we’d turn violent every time we felt anger, or burst into tears every time something didn’t go our way. It’s safe to say that we regulate our emotions all the time, and sometimes that’s really hard!

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Managing our emotions -

We need emotional regulation, for both our own sake and that of those around us. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy, or indeed that we all keep perfect control over them. We all go through difficult times, and things as mundane as having a tiring day at work can really have an impact on how we respond emotionally to other events.

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Getting out of our heads -

Do you feel like you’re constantly thinking (and overthinking) and find it hard to gain perspective on things? You’re not alone. There is no off button for our consciousness and brain (providing we’re alive, of course), so cut yourself some slack for not being able to get out of your own head.

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Time management -

We live in a society ruled by time. The concept can be useful when it comes to organization, but sometimes we struggle to manage time effectively.

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Time management -

Traffic can be bad and we arrive late to an appointment, or we can just get immersed in a task and don’t realize time has passed. There are just so many variables that can affect our time management and our punctuality. It’s not just about being distracted or lazy.

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Posing for a photo -

Even though photography has been around for many years, most of us suck at posing for a photo. Saying “cheese” may help you look less grim, but your smile might still look forced. Not all of us are models, and that’s alright.

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Boundaries -

Setting boundaries requires a degree of self-knowledge and courage. Enforcing them requires persistence, patience, and resilience.

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Boundaries -

It’s easy to feel like we’re being selfish when we set and/or enforce a boundary, but it’s still better than feeling resentful if you don’t say anything. Still, many of us struggle with this and end up following the path of least resistance.

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Being genuinely open minded -

One word for you: biases. We all have them, and these include unconscious biases. So as much as we think we’re open minded, inclusive, and cool about new people and new things, we all have biases holding us back, even if many of us are not fully aware of them.

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Self-discipline -

We’re constantly reminded that we ought to control our lives and do what we need to do, and do it well! It’s hard to stick to certain commitments though, and we’re all guilty of it. Just think of things such as New Years’ resolutions.

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Self-discipline -

We’re constantly distracted (when was the last time you checked your phone?), which certainly doesn’t help. What does help, though, is to try and stick to small, measurable, and therefore more achievable goals.

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Public speaking -

You know that confident person who delivers an inspiring speech to thousands of people? Most of us are not that person. In fact, most of us dread speaking to a small group of strangers, never mind a large audience. There are ways to train yourself to become better at it, but in essence it’s a performance and you are exposed, so it triggers all kinds of insecurities.

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Making decisions -

Making decisions has never been as difficult as it is today. Why? Because we have a lot more choices. One could argue this is a good thing, but when it comes to decision-making, things are not as simple.

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Making decisions -

And it helps if the decision is a good one, right? That’s the whole point! It turns out, though, many of us acknowledge that we make wrong decisions, and it’s perfectly normal to do so. Some of us regret them, but most are things that can be corrected.

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Staying focused -

Yes, our attention span has decreased a fair bit in the digital age, but we all drift away after a few minutes. In fact, the current average attention span of a human is about 8.25 seconds. So if someone tells you they’re 100% focused on something for an hour, they’re probably lying!

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Expressing our needs and wants -

This can be awkward for some people, and even terrifying for others. Many of us are just not good at a) recognizing what we need and want, and b) expressing that to others. Don’t beat yourself up if this is hard for you. Many of us share the same experience.

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Managing conflict -

Managing conflict is a skill, especially because our (and other people’s) emotions get involved. Most of us, though, suck at it. Something as simple as apologizing, for instance, can be incredibly hard. And when there is a threat of physical violence involved, then conflict management really takes on whole new proportions.

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Eye contact and other body language -

Looking someone in the eyes as you firmly shake their hand requires a certain level of confidence. The same applies to other aspects of body language. Many of us find situations uncomfortable, and our bodies expose what we really feel.

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Managing stress -

We’re constantly reminded that too much stress is bad for us. Yet we live increasingly stressful lives. How can we reduce stress, really? Sometimes our lives are just so full, and there is so little downtime, that it’s really hard to manage stress.

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Being patient -

Yes, some of us are more patient than others, but it’s safe to say that in general we’re all a lot less patient than we used to be. The speed of how things happen in the internet age does have something to do with it. It’s normal to lose our patience over trivial things. It might not be good for us, but many of us do struggle with it.

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Being self-critical -

Many of us are pretty bad at looking at ourselves. We either tend to be overconfident, believing we’re somewhat different and special, or go in the opposite direction and see ourselves as failures. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle—we’re just not good at evaluating ourselves.

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Maintaining healthy relationships -

Relationships are an important part of the human experience, but many of us struggle with them. From toxic friends to romantic partners, colleagues, and family members, we all have a hard time keeping all our relationships in good order.

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Forgiving someone -

When someone hurts us, we tend to keep that memory alive. Forgiving someone who did us wrong is therefore difficult. We may get there, or we may not. While nothing good comes out of holding a grudge, it’s perfectly normal to struggle when it comes to forgiving someone.

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Getting enough sleep -

Quality and quantity of sleep is very important, but you’re a lot more likely to find a place selling coffee than one selling mattresses on the high streets. That tells you something about most people’s need for caffeine. Sometimes family, social life, and other commitments do rob us of a few hours of sleep. Don’t stress about it, as many of us are in the same boat.

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Being proactive -

Ask any of your friends or family, and most people will likely tell you they'd like to be more proactive. And why aren't they (or you, for that matter) more proactive? Because it’s hard! Many of us have very busy lives, and having the energy to do even more sometimes is just not there.

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Selecting suitable partners for a romantic relationship -

Just look around. Do you see every single couple living "happily ever after"? That’s because most of us suck at picking the right partner for us.

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Selecting suitable partners for a romantic relationship -

We tend to be attracted to people that are not good for us. Think of those with dark triad personality traits, or those with cluster B personality disorders, for instance.

Sources: (A Conscious Rethink) (Aeon)

See also: What makes you attractive to others

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