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Should you wear black? -

Traditionally, dressing conservatively and wearing either black or dark colors is the most appropriate funeral attire. However, some people make special requests, such as dressing in color, and you should always follow the family wishes. 

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Respect the culture -

It’s also important to respect the faith and culture of the deceased. Sadly, President Donald Trump did not follow this advice when he attended Pope Francis’ funeral at St Peter's Basilica on April 26, 2025.

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Funeral dress code -

The Vatican has strict funeral protocols that call for men to wear a dark suit with a black tie and a black lapel button. Trump decided to ignore this, however, and stood out like a sore thumb wearing a blue suit and light blue tie.

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Don’t be disrespectful -

Trump also caused offence when he stepped over the holy carpet (which is considered holy ground) in front of the pope’s coffin. It’s important to respect the religion of the service, even if it is not the same as your own. 

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Should you attend the whole funeral? -

Trump’s final faux pas of the day was when he left immediately after the service and did not attend the burial. This raises the question: should everyone attend the burial or cremation? Or should this part of the day be for immediate family only?

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Who should attend? -

As a general rule, you do not need to wait for an invitation to a funeral, and often a big turnout can be a big comfort. However, some families request that only those very close to the deceased attend the cremation or burial after the main service.

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Should children attend a funeral? -

Etiquette allows for children to attend if they feel comfortable. However, unruly kids or crying babies can be a big disturbance on a somber day, so be mindful and try to sit close to the back in case you need to make a quick exit. 

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How to offer condolences -

Give the family space before the funeral begins, as they will be preparing themselves for the event ahead. Then, make sure you have some key phrases ready so that you say the right words when you first see them. 

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What to say to the family -

Some helpful sentiments to remember are, “I’m sorry for your loss,” “They will be sorely missed,” “You are in my thoughts,” “I’m always here if you want to talk,” and “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”

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Things to avoid saying -

Try to avoid saying insensitive platitudes, such as "They’re in a better place," "The pain will get better in time," or “I know how you feel.” Also, avoid asking any questions about how the person died.

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What to have in your bag -

Funerals are sad events, but being prepared can help to make them run more smoothly. Packing things like tissues, an umbrella, and change to donate can all be of great help.

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What to bring for the family -

You shouldn’t need to bring anything to the actual service. Funeral flowers and donations should be done through the funeral home, and personal flowers and sympathy cards are usually sent beforehand.

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Turn your phone off -

One of the most important things to do before the funeral starts is to turn your phone off—and to remind your family members to do the same. Failing this, if it does ring, under no circumstances should you take the call. 

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Silent and respectful -

And it’s not just your phone that should be quiet. As a general rule, you should keep conversations to a minimum whilst you are inside the venue, unless any moments require your participation.

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Entering the funeral -

At crematoriums, the congregation usually follows the coffin into the chapel. However, etiquette varies between cultures. At a Catholic service, for example, you take your seat in the church before the coffin arrives. So, always follow the usher’s lead. 

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Get there early -

For this reason, it is important to get to a funeral at least ten to 20 minutes early. This means that you can either find your seat or be ready to follow the coffin. It also prevents you from disturbing proceedings with a late entrance. 

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Where should you sit -

This can be an awkward decision to make. Try to remember that the first few rows are usually allocated to the immediate family and chief mourners. Otherwise, you can sit anywhere.

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Sit in support -

If it’s a big venue, however, then try not to space out your seating too much, as it will make it look empty. Also, don’t leave too much space between the family at the front, as they will be left sitting alone, which isn’t very comforting. 

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When to leave the service -

You should always wait for the chief mourners to leave first. Then the rest of the guests will normally leave row by row (depending on the venue), starting at the front and working backwards. 

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Final moments -

You should always follow the family's lead and do what feels comfortable for you. Some people, for example, like to touch a coffin on the way out of the crematorium or church. Others throw flowers or earth on top of the coffin at a burial. 

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How much emotion should you show? -

Crying is always to be expected. However, try not to show so much emotion that you distract from the main mourners. Remember that you’re there to support them, not the other way around. 

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Flowers or donations? -

Make sure you check with the family if they would prefer flowers or donations, and then follow their wishes. In some cultures, it is also inappropriate to do one or the other, so make sure you are being respectful of religious practices. 

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Donate through the directors -

If you do decide to send flowers, then organize them at least 48 hours before the funeral so that they can be sent directly to the funeral ahead of the service. Alternatively, you can make your donation directly through the funeral directors. 

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How to assist the family -

Check in with the family before the service to see if you can help in any way. Things like giving guests a lift to the service or bringing a dish to the reception can be thoughtful ways to help.  

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Prepare a memory or a story -

After the funeral, it could be helpful to prepare a personal story or a fond memory to share. This is a great way to fill any sad silences, connect with the other mourners, and add a smile to what can be a very somber day. 

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Don’t drink too much -

The reception or wake can sometimes turn into a party, so make sure you remember to remain respectful. Avoid telling any inappropriate anecdotes about the deceased and try not to drink too much.

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Is it ever okay to take photos? -

You may wish to take photos of the funeral flowers or the guests at the reception after the funeral. Taking photos during the service, however, is not recommended, unless specifically requested by the family. 

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Posting on social media -

Again, follow the family's lead and always be respectful. A tasteful picture of the order of service with a sweet message may be okay. However, a selfie with the coffin is obviously not acceptable. 

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Check in at the wake -

Finally, remember that funerals are a very busy day for the chief mourners and the closest family. So, small gestures like bringing them a cup of tea or a plate of food at the reception can make a real difference.

Sources: (Dillamore Funeral Service) (Country Living) (Euro news)

See also: Forget the traditional: These are the top funeral trends in 2025

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