Listen to your gut. Maybe your instinct tells you that something is not quite right, even if you can’t exactly pinpoint it. Deep down, you know that relationship is not meant to be, and yet, you choose to stay. Until when?
Sources: (A Conscious Rethink) (The Everygirl) (Bonobology) (Marriage.com)
See also: How to mend a broken heart
Sure, there are moments and situations where we love our partners more than others, but, overall, there should be a consistent baseline feeling there at all times.
Maybe you or your partner just don’t want to accept that the relationship has come to an end, even though you have all the signs you need to come to this conclusion. It’s hard to break up, but postponing it is not the answer.
The opposite is also true. Maybe the other person just doesn’t love you as much as you’d like. But you can’t make someone love you, so you might just be forcing a relationship where you’ll feel like you’re lacking something you desire.
You’re afraid of leaving the person. Maybe you’re afraid to be alone, or perhaps you’re just afraid to change things in your life. Forcing a relationship out of fear, though, is not the solution.
If you have different values and goals, and are not on the same page in many important things, then you might just be forcing compatibility where there is none.
Maybe it’s your emotional baggage or maybe it’s your partner’s that stands in the way between you two. Or maybe you really like this person, but the love just isn’t there, no matter how hard you try. Love should come naturally, not be forced.
For whatever reason, love doesn't come naturally towards this person, yet you force yourself to feel it. Maybe you know you can love more, or differently, and really try to force yourself to get to that place, but it just doesn't happen that way.
Maybe you have mismatched libidos, or maybe you just don’t feel attracted to your partner anymore. When things don’t work at this level, it’s a clear indicator that the relationship is not well. Do you want to be in a relationship where you feel sexually frustrated?
Trust, comfort, and safeness are natural in healthy relationships. The absence of these are not. If you feel this way, for whatever reason, maybe it’s time to question what you’re doing with this person.
Or maybe the other person does. Are you really interested in what the person has to say, about their interests, work, or hobbies? Is your interest really genuine, or are you (or your partner) faking it?
Maybe your 'love' is an addiction, and not really a healthy emotion. Maybe your personality and relationship attachment type have something to do with it. Is it the person you love, or the feeling that person gives you? Do you feel like you “depend” on this person to be happy? These are all questions you should consider.
Trust goes both ways. If your partner feels the same, then there’s a lingering feeling of uncertainty and suspicion, and neither of you feels safe.
Sure, the initial honeymoon phase will pass, but healthy, happy couples stick together and find ways to rekindle the spark. Do you really love this person, or are just forcing yourself to?
A relationship cannot exist without trust. Maybe you do have reasons not to trust your partner (e.g. they lied to you in the past), or maybe it’s just you who, for whatever reason, just can’t trust that person.
Displays of affection should come naturally, whether in private or in public. If you’re faking displays of affection when you’re in public, just so others think your relationship is good, you are just forcing a relationship that shouldn’t be.
Friendship is an important element in a romantic relationship. Both of you need to enjoy spending time together, laugh, talk, and do other unromantic things. Are you good friends?
If you think about this, then you might just be avoiding the breakup yourself. Of course, it’s easier when the other person does it for us, but if you secretly wish it would happen and are not too fazed about it, then you have your answer. Maybe you don’t really love this person.
Is the end of the relationship always imminent when you fight? Do you always end up in the same place, arguing over the same things, over and over again? Sure, every couple argues, but the key here is conflict resolution. If you both can never reach one, then this is a clear sign you’re not compatible and you might just be forcing the relationship.
There is nothing wrong with spending some time alone and enjoying it. But if you and/or your partner always prefer to spend time alone rather than spending time with each other, then there's your red flag. Happy couples tend to gravitate towards each other, so if you find yourself not wanting to be with that person often, maybe you’re forcing something that just isn’t there.
If you are thinking about other potential partners, how you would meet them, what you would do together, etc., then this is a sign you’ve checked out of the relationship. Sure, you may have wandering eyes, and indeed feel attracted to other people, but if you are in a happy relationship you’ll stick to it, because you value the person and the relationship itself.
When people love each other and are in happy relationships, they are excited about what comes next—they really can’t wait for it! If the thought of a future with this person doesn't bring you positive feelings, then you might just be forcing it.
If you’re in a relationship because you’re hoping that the person will change and, finally, everything will be as it should, then this is a clear sign you’re forcing it. You’re in love with the idea of who the person might be one day, not who they are.
If you’re constantly fighting, then there is possibly a communication problem and you're likely frustrated, angry, and unhappy. This is especially true if you argue over trivial things. Bickering can be really tiring and frustrating. How will you be able to manage difficult situations in the future if you can’t even discuss simple things without ending up in a fight?
Maybe you just really want a relationship. You may want to settle down, start a family, or simply have a partner for life, and this is clouding your judgment about being in a relationship with a specific person. You love the thought of it, but actually being in it with this person is something else.
Not making plans for the future is a clear sign you’re not in it for the long term. This means you don’t see yourself with that person in the future, even if you pretend to. If you both don't make plans for the future, then likely the relationship has no future.
If you have to constantly monitor all your words and actions and censor yourself to avoid upsetting your partner, then the relationship is doomed to fail. It’s all very well that you want to become a better version of yourself, but not being who you are, in front of the person who’s supposed to love you for who you are, is exhausting and will wear you both down at some point.
There are many reasons why we force relationships. After all, we all want to be happy, and for many of us, that includes being in a romantic relationship.
Now, let’s take a look at some of the signs that you might just be forcing a relationship.
You know deep down that something is not quite right with your relationship. The signs can be very obvious, but sometimes they’re not. Either way, the whole thing just doesn’t feel natural.
Relationships are complex, and many of us endure them when, deep down, we know things are not quite right. We may be stuck and indeed forcing a relationship for a number of reasons. From ignoring red flags, to incompatibility issues, we trick ourselves into staying in a relationship that we know has come to an end.
Do you feel this may be your case? Then click through the following gallery and see if you can identify these signs in your relationship.
Signs you're forcing a relationship
Ways we avoid the dreaded breakup
LIFESTYLE Romance
Relationships are complex, and many of us endure them when, deep down, we know things are not quite right. We may be stuck and indeed forcing a relationship for a number of reasons. From ignoring red flags, to incompatibility issues, we trick ourselves into staying in a relationship that we know has come to an end.
Do you feel this may be your case? Then click through the following gallery and see if you can identify these signs in your relationship.