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Know the signs -

The first step is knowing how to identify alcohol addiction, and where the line is between coping mechanism and addiction, for example. You have to be well informed before you approach someone about it.

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Rehearse what you’re going to say -

The phrasing is incredibly important. You want to make positive and supportive statements instead of negative and presumptuous ones. Focus on using “I” statements, like “I’m worried about your drinking,” to reduce accusation.

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Pick the right time -

Don’t approach them about the topic when they’ve been drinking. You want to wait until they’re sober to have the conversation. Do it in a place where you’ll have quiet and privacy, free from interruptions and beeping phones. Make sure they’re also not preoccupied with other issues.

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Remain calm -

You will only be met with more resistance if you can’t remain calm and make it clear that your worry comes from a place of love. They need to feel like they are being supported and not scolded.

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Create a safe space -

There’s a lot of shame and embarrassment around addiction and alcoholism, so it’s essential that they are not made to feel like they have a dirty secret. You can do this by being upfront and straightforward about the facts, but remaining neutral. It is, however, best to avoid the label “alcoholic,” since it carries so much stigma.

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Be ready for denial -

Be prepared to face resistance to your suggestions, and even anger. The person may be in denial and lash out from a place of defensiveness, but don’t take it personally. They’re in a vulnerable spot, so give them time and space to process, and come back with open ears.

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Offer your support -

You can’t force someone into treatment, but you can offer them your support if they do. Try to be empathetic, nonjudgmental, and sincere.

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If they say they’ll cut back -

It’s a common response to offer to cut back on their drinking instead of quit entirely. Even if you don’t believe it at all, sometimes this might be the first step. They may fall back before they can be convinced that they need to quit altogether and get more formal treatment.

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Make a concrete plan together -

Addiction is a huge beast to tackle, and it’s best done in smaller parts, step by step. Make a concrete plan together that details what changes they can make, how often they’ll go to meetings, and so forth, and follow up with them.

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Don’t tell them what’s best for them -

Try not to preach. You probably do know what’s best for them, but when struggling with addiction, the rational argument is useless until they can come to the conclusion of what’s best for themselves on their own.

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Don’t give them money -

You shouldn’t provide financial support—even if they lose their job because of drinking or get into legal trouble. You should only give them money if it’s going directly to treatment.

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Don’t take on their responsibilities -

While it may feel instinctive to protect a loved one, they have to feel the consequences of their alcoholism or else it will be even harder to stop. You must resist enabling their behavior.

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Intervene -

It’s important to know that discussing your concerns and having an intervention are different. If they really need help and can’t be convinced to get treatment, it’s time to gather their loved ones, confront them by sharing concerns, and giving both consequences and treatment options. Interventions are often done with the help of a professional counselor.

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Giving consequences -

If your loved one refuses rehab, you may want to set limits and boundaries, detailing consequences that you are fully prepared to follow through with—like letting them know you won’t make excuses for them anymore or you won’t let them around your family anymore, etc. It shouldn’t, however, be a threat or bribe.

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Research treatment options -

Ask a professional counselor for advice on how to get the person into treatment. Find out about different treatment options, and programs in your area. Some agencies and organizations offer treatments at no cost, but you might need to collect some funds if free treatment is not available.

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Provide them with helplines -

Some people would rather talk to a stranger, and it’s better that they have access to a trained professional anyway, so have the numbers for helplines ready. Offer to sit with them while they call for advice.

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Offer to accompany them to meetings -

It can be scary to go to doctor appointments, group meetings, or counseling sessions on their own, so offer to go with them. But don’t be offended if they say no.

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Do what’s necessary for them to attend treatment -

If work, childcare, and household tasks get in the way of (or are being used as excuses for) going to treatment sessions, offer to help out.

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Invest in long-term recovery -

Your support shouldn’t end when someone enters treatment, and unfortunately the recovery process can often be months, if not years. Let them know you’re there for the long term, and prepare yourself for it as well.

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Enlist friends and family -

While sometimes people struggling with alcohol addiction don’t want others to know about their addiction, tending to their recovery is firstly nothing to be ashamed of, and secondly, it’s impossible to be their only support. Get others on board so you’re not doing all the heavy lifting.

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Don’t drink around them -

Even if you’re at home, don’t tempt them by having alcohol in the house.

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Suggest social activities that don’t involve drinking -

While you can’t completely shelter your loved one from all exposure to alcohol, you can make a pointed effort to make plans that don’t involve alcohol.

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Find the root problems -

The reasons for which someone turns to the bottle—be it loneliness, stress, self-esteem, etc.—will still be there when they’re sober, so it’s essential to deal with those problems at the root.

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Encourage them to find new interests -

Cutting out drinking can feel like cutting out a huge part of an alcoholic’s life, so it’s important to find healthier ways to fill that hole. Encourage them to find new hobbies and interests, like taking a class to learn something new, spending time in nature hiking or camping, volunteering, arts, etc.

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Prepare for temptation -

There will be triggers, cravings, and social pressures that will make it difficult for your loved one to stay on track. Come up with forms of distraction and evasion like being able to call someone, go for a walk, or anything else that might help them resist.

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Know that moodiness has nothing to do with you -

Withdrawal can make them irritable, angry, anxious, or even physically sick. These can be treated medically, but as long as they aren’t having severe tremors, seizures, or hallucinations, you should try, not to mind them or take them personally. Though it seems like they’re angry with you, they’re just struggling.

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Learn some withdrawal coping methods -

That said, there are some things that can ease withdrawal symptoms that you can suggest. Those include: drinking lots of fluids with electrolytes, taking a cold shower, intentional breathing techniques, exercise, and other forms of healthy distraction.

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Don’t become codependent -

When a partner is affected by alcoholism, it’s easy to get too wrapped up in their well-being to the point where the relationship becomes dysfunctional, dependence-oriented, and even addictive itself. You’ll risk dangerous blaming, obsessive behavior, and potential mental health issues.

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Take care of yourself -

When helping a loved one recover, you must also focus on your own needs, as you cannot pour from an empty cup. Go to Al-Anon meetings, therapy, and support groups to help you cope with your loved one’s addiction.

Sources: (American Addiction Centers) (Healthline)  (National Institute on Aging) (HelpGuide) (NHS) 

See also: How to make plans that don’t involve alcohol

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