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Smile - Walking in with a bad attitude is always going to start things off on the wrong foot. Try to keep yourself smiling and kill them with kindness.

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Laugh - Instead of trying to think up a smart deflection for that odd question or borderline offensive remark, just laugh it off. It serves the dual purpose of making the other party feel relaxed and comfortable, while ensuring that you don’t actually have to think of any kind of response.

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Address trouble ahead of time - In every family, there is someone who has issues with boundaries. If a specific person corners you every year to discuss your personal life or other uncomfortable topics, talk to them. Explain how it makes you feel, and that you would like to skip the questions this year.

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Ban certain topics - There are unfortunate topics that come up every. single. year. Or perhaps you had a recent breakup or other event. Try to head these off at the pass by announcing to the group that you would rather not discuss these at the table, so don’t bother asking. If you’re not comfortable doing that, ask a trusted relative to do it for you.

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Set boundaries - If you don’t get a chance to prep beforehand, cut people off at the outset. Establish your boundaries, so that people know when to stop.

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Ignore the barbs - Some family members don’t realize that they’re being rude, while others may like to poke and prod at your expense. Keep your emotional armor ready, and just let the insults roll off your back.

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Change the subject - When you get to your host's house, try to find some go-to diversions. The family pet, a cute little niece or nephew, the new decoration, wherever you can direct your attention when a problematic topic is raised.

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Think before you speak - Try to avoid volatile topics, whether that means politics, international news, or a specific family faux pas. If someone brings them up anyway, don’t take the bait. Change the conversation, or simply say that you'd prefer not to talk about that.

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Strategize - Make a list of anything that has happened in the past that you could reasonably avoid this year. Planning ahead will make you feel more in control of the situation.

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Delegate - Use delegation to nip problem areas in the bud. If you have an aunt who always complains about the food, ask her to bring her own dish. If teenage cousins are constantly bored, ask them to play with the kids or take control of one dish. Delegating jobs allows people to feel important, and helps them to contribute to the holiday, instead of taking away from it.

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Find a buddy - A partner in crime can make any situation more bearable. You are likely not the only one irked by the family shenanigans, so look for support from another relative. A little venting or back-up can go a long way.

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Avoid one-on-ones - If you’re lucky enough to have just one problematic family member, do everything you can to avoid a one-on-one with them. Talking in groups will make things go a lot more smoothly.

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Bring a buffer - Families are typically on their best behavior when there’s a stranger around. Bring a friend with you to defuse the tension.

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Avoid the alcohol - While this may seem counter-intuitive, alcohol may do more harm than good. Drinking can break down boundaries, and make people belligerent or self-pitying. A sober holiday may be slightly more subdued, but perhaps less stressful.

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Entertain the kids - While kids are unlikely to be the main source of conflict, temper tantrums can add to the overall stress and noise at the dinner table. Give them activities to do or bring a new game, so they don’t get bored after eating.

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Agree to disagree - This should be your mantra. If you’re the black sheep of the family, or you have a particularly stubborn relative, agreeing to disagree can be the best way out of a sticky situation.

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Focus on a newcomer - If someone has brought a guest to the dinner table, try to focus on them. Instead of engaging in less-than-desirable topics, ask this person (nice!) personal questions and try to get to know them. But be mindful of not being that prying person you're avoiding yourself.

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Open-ended questions - Instead of asking questions that may irritate others, such as when someone is having kids or getting married, use more open-ended questions. Something like, "What’s keeping you busy these days?" gives the other person the chance to talk about what they feel comfortable sharing.

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You're not there to win - If you do find yourself in an argument, remember that you’re not there to win. You are unlikely to convince a drunk or stubborn family member the error of their ways, so just practice some conflict avoidance.

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Take a breather - When the noise or the people get too much for you, take a breather. Excuse yourself and step outside, or head to a quiet room and shut the door. A few deep breaths and a moment of silence can clear your head.

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Have an exit strategy - If things get too bad for you to handle, have an exit plan ready. Create an excuse, such as mentioning beforehand that you aren’t feeling well or may have to pick up a friend, so you can use that later.

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Give yourself a goal - Make a goal for yourself. That may mean keeping your mouth shut when someone eats the last bite of your favorite stuffing, or waiting patiently while your giant family individually states how their year was. Strive for good intentions and try to control yourself to improve the situation.

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Be charitable - Try doing something different! If you can cut both the roast and the tension with a knife at your dinner table, change things up by encouraging your family to volunteer somewhere. It’s a good bonding experience, and it keeps everyone busy.

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Create your own schedule - The longer you are in a stressful situation, the harder it becomes. If you are hosting dinner this year, plan for it to be later and request that everyone show up an hour or so beforehand to minimize the amount of time spent together.

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Limit your time - If you don’t have the opportunity to create your own schedule, limit your own time. Give an excuse as to why you can’t show up until later, preferably one that the host will accept without question. Nobody can complain if you’re doing charity work or buying kids Christmas presents, can they?

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Plan something after - After a day with family, it’s always nice to get together with peers. Set up plans with friends after or the next day, so you can relax and unwind away from family and maybe vent a little.

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Don't eat too much - Discomfort makes anyone irritable, so try not to add to your general stress by feeling guilty or queasy about a full belly of mashed potatoes.

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Don't go -

Psychology Today advises that if there is dangerous or divisive behavior, whether that is physical or emotional,you are not compelled to participate. Just because it’s your family, you do not have to put yourself in a harmful situation. Make your polite apologies and stay home.

See also: What the Ancient Greeks can teach us about mental health. 

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