How to protect your children from sexual abuse -

Parents don’t hesitate when it comes to teaching children to look both ways before they cross the street or to stay away from a hot stove, but body safety is often put aside until they’re much older, and sometimes after it’s too late.

It’s a horrifying and sad reality, but a reality nonetheless, and taking measures to protect your child from sexual abuse—which does not discriminate in terms of race, class, religion, or culture—can be a lifesaving matter. Of course, there is no exact way to protect children from sexual abuse, but there are simple, communicative steps recommended by the Child Mind Institute and other child health resources that can reduce the risk.

Knowledge is a powerful tool, so click through and arm yourself and your dear ones.

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Start simply: get involved -

The closer your relationship with your child, the more likely you are to notice warning signs of abuse, and the more likely your child will come to you if they’re in danger. Here’s how to get actively involved in their life.

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Ask lots of questions about their daily lives -

Find out what they did during the day, what games they played and with whom, and so forth.

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Find out more about the people in their life -

Get to know who your child is spending time with–children and adults–by asking about their classmates, the parents of their friends, and other people like teammates or coaches.

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Be a model for communication -

Set an example by talking openly and asking questions so that your child will feel comfortable to do the same.

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Carefully screen caregivers -

From babysitters to after-school activity leaders, be diligent about screening your child’s caregivers, and trust your gut.

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Talk about the media -

Unfortunately, incidents of sexual violence are frequently in the news and on TV. When your child is old enough to start watching, use the coverage as a jumping-off point for conversation.

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Talk about the media -

Ask them if they’ve ever heard of those incidents happening before, or what they would do if they were in that situation.

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Familiarize yourself with the warning signs -

Get to know the warning signs of child sexual abuse, and take note of any changes with your child, no matter how small.

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Warning signs include: -

There are the more obvious physical indications, but also behavioral signs like changes in hygiene, new phobias, trouble in school, nightmares, regressive behaviors, self-harm, reluctance to physical touch, and more.

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Empower their voice -

When a child knows their voice will be heard, they are given the courage to speak up when something isn’t right. Make their voices feel valued by just being a good listener.

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Teach them about privacy -

Be clear that private parts are called private because they are not for everyone to see, and explain specifically that only parents (and doctors when the parents are present) are allowed to see private parts.

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Be clear about boundaries -

Teach your child that no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable. This includes even hugs or tickling from family members like grandparents—they should vocalize their discomfort. Children should learn that their body is their own.

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Be clear about boundaries -

One point that the Child Mind Institute emphasizes is to teach your child that no one should ask them to touch somebody else’s private parts, as sexual abuse often begins with the perpetrator asking the child.

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Be clear about boundaries -

It’s also helpful and important to teach your child that they do not have the right to touch someone else if that person does not want to be touched. The lesson is strengthened both ways.

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Be specific about when these rules apply -

Various authority figures can confuse a child, as the 'villains' can be in a family member’s, teacher’s, coach’s, or even friend’s clothing. Teach children that boundaries apply even if you like them or think they are in charge.

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Give them vocabulary to talk about their bodies -

From an early age, teach your child the names of their body parts. This gives them a vocabulary that makes it much easier to come to you when something is wrong.

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Be more specific about kinds of touch -

While many talk about “good touch and bad touch” when discussing sexual abuse with children, this can be confusing to them as the touches may not actually hurt or feel bad. The term “secret touch” is recommended by the Child Mind Institute.

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Make it clear that body secrets are not okay -

Many perpetrators use secret-keeping or threats as a way to keep children quiet about abuse. Ensure that your kids know that, no matter what anyone says, body secrets are not okay and should always be reported to you.

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Let them know they won’t get in trouble -

Promise your child, and remind them frequently, that they will not get in trouble for talking to you or asking questions, no matter what they need to say. Don’t ever break that promise, or you will lose their trust.

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Specify that photographs of their privates are also not okay -

The Child Mind Institute says most parents forget this non-contact form of abuse, and advises that parents tell their children that no one should ever take pictures of their private parts.

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Make yourself available -

It’s important to set aside time when you can give your child your undivided attention, because it may take them some time to get around to a question or concern they have.

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Make space to bring up topics -

Direct questions are good to learn more about a child’s day-to-day life, but asking “Did you have fun?” won’t give you the answers you need. Instead, ask open-ended questions like “Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?” to offer space to bring up their own concerns or ideas.

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Teach them how to get out of scary situations -

Many children find it difficult to tell older people “no,” but it’s important to tell them that it’s okay to tell an adult they have to leave if something feels wrong to them. Give them excuses to get out of uncomfortable situations.

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Give them a code word for when they feel unsafe -

As children get a little older, you can give them a code word that they can use when they are feeling unsafe—whether that’s at home, with guests, or when they’re on a playdate—and you can intervene inconspicuously.

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In the worst case scenario -

If an incident takes place, remember that neither you nor the child is to blame, but rather the perpetrator.

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See also - 30 of the best ways to spend quality time with your children

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