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Causes of an unhappy relationship - There are a number of reasons that can cause an unhappy relationship. In order to improve, it’s important to identify these causes.

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Holding on to the past -

Reminiscing about the times the relationship was easier and stress-free, like before having kids or when you first started dating, can cause unhappiness. Instead of channeling energy into being present and fixing current issues, people hold on to these memories.

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Trying to change each other -

Partners who set out to change one another provide another significant factor. The other person will begin to feel as if they must justify their every decision and response to their partner.

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Having different beliefs and values -

Partners who don’t share core values and beliefs will experience more tension later on in the relationship when they learn more about each other and how they operate in the world.

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Feeling held back -

Partners who find themselves feeling held back will naturally be frustrated. They may feel that they have to choose to stay in the relationship or move on to grow and achieve their goals beyond their partner.

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Impact of an unhappy relationship -

If you have identified the symptoms of being in an unhappy relationship, you can then comprehend the long-term negative effects and how that impacts each partner.

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Conflict - Instead of finding refuge in the relationship, partners will view each other through a lens of contempt, frustration, and criticism. This will cause them to shield themselves during interactions, which can result in emotional and even physical conflict.

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Frustration - People in unhealthy relationships tend to fantasize about what it could be by distorting their reality. By doing this, and not accepting each other as they are, they are contributing to frustration and constant disappointment.

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Withdrawal -

In an unhappy relationship, one partner (or both) can feel as if they’re managing the relationship on their own. The two become adversaries, and the other person will usually begin to withdraw their efforts into helping things get better.

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Emotional pain -

An unhappy relationship will begin to cause more frustration, exhaustion, irritability, and possibly depression.

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Negativity -

The relationship will feel like it’s weighing you down, which will fuel negative energy into how you approach work or other relationships.

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Less focus on each other - In an unhappy relationship, you'll be less likely to prioritize your partner, and will instead focus your time on other interests and relationships.

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Reduced intimacy -

Time to connect intimately, either physically or emotionally, is also reduced when partners are unhappy.

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Broken communication and connection -

As partners are not able to work though problems or address hurt feelings, the communication will be broken. And as there are significant difficulties in connecting, couples will begin to live parallel lives from each other.

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Feeling like you're under a microscope - When someone is unhappy, the smallest things can trigger them, and this can be very damaging to the relationship, as the judgment outweighs intimacy.

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External focus - Partners will seek out support and get their needs met through other people and areas.

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Lack of gratitude  - Feeling appreciated and heard are important markers of an intimate relationship, and when that’s diminished there’s less motivation to continue doing the things you’re hoping your partner appreciates.

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There’s nothing nice to say about your relationship -

If you can only recount the negative aspects of your relationship, then the bad is outweighing the good. If you’re making an active effort to find the pluses of staying in the relationship, then it’s time to rethink continuing together.

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Lack of respect -

When loss of respect is shown towards each other, it’s a sign something is not right. This could be abusive language or acts, or engaging in activities that aren’t appropriate Overall, respect is essential for a happy and healthy relationship.

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You’re stonewalling each other -

Stonewalling is when one person shuts down, ignores, or stops responding to their partner. This can be an attempt to control the conversation because one partner is blocking further discussion by disengaging. This typically occurs when an individual is physiologically distressed and trying to shut down overwhelming emotions.

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You feel alone - A partner shouldn’t be your everything, but it’s important to feel that you’re part of a team. Feeling alone can mean that you’re not receiving the support and the emotional availability that you need.

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Improving unhappy relationships -

There are several strategies available to move forward, if both are on board for improving the relationship.

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Identify what’s wrong -

The first thing to do is to identify all that’s not going well, and determine whether these are deal breakers.

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Decide if your relationship is worth saving - Deciding if you want to invest energy into saving your relationship is not easy. This requires honesty with yourself, as you’ve devoted considerable time to the relationship in hopes that things would return to as before

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Communicate honestly with your partner -

Try being more vulnerable instead of taking a defensive stance of critiquing and blaming your partner. Share the aspects of your relationship you would like to improve, and the ways in which you both contribute to do so.

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Show gratitude when communicating -

When having these tough conversations, research suggests that showing gratitude in your relationship often helps both parties be more comfortable when speaking about relationship issues.

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Find solutions together - It’s important to be solution-oriented, meaning that when problems arise, you must consider how to go through it as a team and not let the problems separate you both.

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Take time apart -

Time apart can help provide distance and perspective to the relationship. It can allow you to grow and discover what you really want, and can help you choose for yourselves how you want your life to look like, instead of defaulting on your relationship out of convenience.

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Determine the best way to move forward -

In the end, you have to decide whether your relationship is worth saving. And if you feel like you need help, you can always seek support from loved ones or start going to a therapist.

Sources: (Verywell Mind) (Oprah Daily)

See also: Things you should never do when online dating

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