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Think of it this way -

You love your parents, your siblings, your friends, etc., but you know you wouldn’t want to live with them. That doesn’t mean you love them any less or that your love isn’t real or won’t last—it just means you know that not living together is best for your relationship.

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Necessary ingredients -

Besides money, to pursue living separately in love, you’ll need courage, confidence, and emotional strength, as people will inevitably view you as afraid to commit, immature, or illegitimate as a real couple. You’ll also crucially need total trust between partners and open, honest communication about the state of your monogamy.

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Finding other ways to define “serious relationship” -

Without living together, you’ll be able to define the seriousness of your relationship in a personal and intimate way, instead of letting the optics of moving in together make that decision for you. Plus, it’s important to never confuse proximity with support—loving someone and living with them are not synonymous!

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A way to avoid dependency -

While to a degree relationships are about being mutually dependent on each other, so many couples often end up dangerously dependent to the point where they don’t go anywhere without the other. Living separately obviously nips this problem in the bud.

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Maintain rich social lives -

Too many couples disappear from their social circles once they become committed to one another, which tends to lead to problems down the road both among friends and within the relationship, which can feel suffocating.

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The chance to miss them -

Living with a partner takes away the chance to miss them, which many couples say is an important element to a long-lasting relationship. You tend to sweat the small stuff less when you aren’t around each other all the time.

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Improved communication skills -

When you're around someone you're upset with, you can show that you’re grumpy in body language, but it can often be a cop-out for actually expressing our thoughts and feelings. When you see each other less, you will likely be forced to communicate with your words more often and clearer.

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More to talk about -

Instead of the usual “how was work?” and “did you buy milk?” type of repetitive questions, you’ll have more to talk about when you spend less time together. You’ll be more eager to hear all the details about their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and so forth, including what they’re reading or watching, and who they’ve been hanging out with, etc.

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Separate chores -

Chores are a problem in so many relationships—especially as women in heterosexual relationships often end up carrying the brunt of the work. Living separately ensures that you both are responsible for your own spaces and no one bickers about whose turn it is to take the trash out.

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Maintaining the mystery -

When you can always hear when your partner is going to the bathroom, or their dirty socks are on the floor, or you see them casually naked all the time, or you hear them burp, or see them always in sweats, sometimes the mystery that made them so sexy to you at the beginning can fade.

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No bickering about bills -

From the bigger financial division to small things like turning off the lights to save on electricity, there is so much room for argument when it comes to bills.

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Less quantity, more quality time -

When you see someone constantly, you naturally start to take their presence for granted, which leads to many problems in relationships. When you spend less time together, you have to arrange your meetings and it gains an air of real occasion that makes you appreciate it more and spend it more wisely.

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Going out more together -

Because a single home is not the default for the relationship, many couples living apart tend to go out more together to make memories and participate in activities. Getting dressed up for dinner will be a more appealing option instead of always just ordering food in sweats to eating together on the couch—though that’s still a great and available option!

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Vacations become way more exciting -

Instead of just more of the same bickering about where to leave wet towels, living together for short periods on vacation becomes an exciting and new opportunity to spend time in a different way with your partner.

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Freedom to express yourself through decoration -

You might love someone but dislike their aesthetic. Making your space comfortable for yourself and as part of an expression of yourself is important, since home is supposed to be a safe space where you can be yourself.

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Honoring each other’s individuality -

Living apart from a romantic partner is actually a beautiful recognition of the other person’s independence and individuality, the lack of which is often the basis of toxic relationships.

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Perfect for introverts -

Being able to recharge your energy in privacy is essential for introverts, and many feel they must sacrifice this so-called privilege when their partner is ready for the “next step.” But living apart ensures that introverts can be fully recharged and feel like their best selves when they do see their partners.

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No harboring resentment over compromise -

We always hear that relationships take compromise, and certainly they do to a degree, but not to the degree that you start to build resentment—which is far too often the case. Couples living separately can maintain their different lifestyles and priorities, such as a demanding career, while still enjoying a deep companionship.

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A good night’s sleep -

Some people snore, some toss and turn, some steal all the blankets—you either are one of these people or you’ve slept with one. The fact is that sleeping alone gives you the best night’s sleep, which is essential to your mood and productivity, and cuts away that inevitable resentment about being woken up in the middle of the night or too early.

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Everything the way you like it -

People are just happier when they can decide what temperature the room is at, when and what noise is appropriate, how late they want to sleep in, and so forth. And being more satisfied on your own makes you a better partner.

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You get to be yourself unfiltered -

Of course, you should always be your honest self with a partner, but there are always some habits, activities, or secret pleasures that fall away when living with someone else. In your alone time, you can belt a song out terribly at the top of your lungs or hog the bathroom in an extremely long soak without worrying about anyone else.

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The option is always there -

You will obviously still spend many nights at each other’s places, but not only is there the exciting option of two places to stay at, but you are also free to decide the frequency—and allow it to change organically as you both naturally are busier sometimes than others.

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It’s actually quite romantic -

Everyone has heard the famous quote that real love is about waking up every morning and choosing the same person. Well, the same logic applies here. You are independent and not stuck with someone, but every day you choose to be in a relationship with them, and you’re centering love instead of the menial organization of living together.

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What happens when there are kids? -

Living separately is obviously ideal for couples without children, but it’s not impossible to maintain the benefits even when you do live in the same home together.

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Separate rooms -

This could be having a spare bedroom, or it could be offices or lounge areas designated for each partner.

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A spare apartment -

Some people with the means to support another apartment keep one separate from the place they live with their family to have a sort of safe haven where they can recharge when needed. Famed writer/director Miranda July famously did this so that she could have a quiet place to write.

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If you don’t have the means -

Putting aside some money to rent a place for a short-term stay or going on vacation without your partner can provide many of the same benefits as living separately. It’s important to have this conversation with your partner and make sure both are given the same allowance.

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It’s proven to be helpful -

Many couples therapists will recommend that partners experiencing issues should live separately for a while so that they can clear their minds of the junk of daily life and see their relationship (and themselves) as it really is, or as they really want it to be.

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Try to start the conversation early -

If you’re starting to develop serious feelings for someone, now is the perfect time to bring living apart up. You'll skip the part where you follow the predictable, traditional relationship 'progression' and figure out what living situation you both prefer for yourselves, and this way each one has time to consider it and no one will interpret an  unwillingness to live together as an insult.

Sources: (Everyday Health) (The Startup) (MarketWatch)

See also: Age gaps in relationships: how much is too much?

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