How to make friends as an adult -

If you send a young child into a playground for an hour, odds are they will make several new friends, have at least one disagreement, make up with that person and become friends again, and leave without any self-doubt. Indeed, the ease with which children seem to make friends is so enviable to us as adults. After all, it’s not uncommon to find yourself in the uncomfortable situation of needing to make some new friends, and having no clue how to go about it...

Making friends as an adult is a totally different ball game. We’re so much more aware of supposed social restrictions and the potential for rejection. But that doesn’t mean we should let fear hold us back from experiencing everything we want in life. There are plenty of steps we can take to put ourselves in situations where we’re more likely to make new friends and generally be more fulfilled.

Read through this gallery for a list of strategies and suggestions from various experts on how to make friends as an adult. Click on!

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Be proactive -

If we leave it up to chance and wait for things to happen by themselves, we may not see the results we’re hoping for. The first step is to focus on being open to new people and new experiences.

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Dwelling on the negatives -

Adult minds are more likely to overthink things like the possibility of rejection or not being fun enough. It’s helpful to go into new situations with the assumption that people will like us! This is, of course, easier said than done, but it might help to know that research suggests strangers respond better to us than we might think.

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The "liking gap" -

One particular study, which included many different types of interactions in many different settings, showed that most people underestimated how well they were liked after speaking to a stranger. This has been labeled “the liking gap.” Keep that in mind, and allow yourself the belief that others will respond well to you.

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Prepare your mindset -

Other studies showed that those who believe others will like them behave in ways that are more likely to make this come true! For example, they’re more likely to be open and share things about themselves, disagree less, and generally have a positive attitude.

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Be open-minded -

We often feel more comfortable around those who are the most similar to us, but why not open yourself up and let go of the assumption that you’ll get along better with someone who’s the same gender/age/ethnic background/etc. as you? Open yourself up to exploring new horizons, and you may be surprised.

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Create a life that you enjoy -

It might seem like a bit of a paradox. We feel like we need more friends to be happy and fulfilled, but being happy and fulfilled makes it a lot easier to make new friends. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. If you forget about the objective of making friends for a moment, consider what would make you enjoy life more.

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Create a life that you enjoy -

If you start going after things that make you feel good, it’s likely that you’ll naturally come across others with similar values and interests. Not to mention the fact that feeling happier and more fulfilled has the added benefit of making you more attractive to others. After all, don’t we all feel inspired by and drawn to people who are living life to the fullest?

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Get organized -

We’re all busy: we all have work and countless responsibilities that often leave us feeling exhausted. This means we might be inclined to put off taking action, as making new friends does take some effort.

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Dedicate time -

It might help to schedule dedicated time for pursuing this goal, like making sure you have a babysitter booked one night a week to go to your salsa class, etc.

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Find a group you enjoy -

On that note, one of the best ways to make new friends as an adult is to take up a hobby you enjoy! Engaging in an activity you like will naturally put you in contact with like-minded people. Whether it’s a yoga class, hiking, a craft, a book club, or spiritual practice, find classes or groups that you can join to engage in these activities with other people.

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Volunteer -

Most of us have a cause that we feel passionately about. But we tend to feel guilty about not getting involved. Why not feed your soul by volunteering or getting involved in some form of activism that really calls to you? It will have the added benefit of putting you in contact with kind, like-minded people, and give you a huge mood boost as well.

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Use a meetup app -

There are also dedicated apps and social media networks to help people connect and make friends. For example, the long-existing site Meetup was made for just this purpose! It’s active in cities and towns all over the world and connects people through group activities. It’s definitely easier to put yourself out there in a setting where you know everyone is there to make new connections as well.

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Transition dates to friendships -

If you’re also single and checking out the dating scene, be mindful of dates that could lead to friendships. When we’re using dating apps or getting set up, there will likely be plenty of times that the attraction or romantic connection isn’t there. But that doesn’t mean there’s no connection at all!

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Transition dates to friendships -

Could your last 'failed' Tinder date actually have the potential to become a friend? Go into dating with an open mind and don’t limit the possibilities of what that connection might become. Always be open and honest with the other person, and see what happens.

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Accept invitations - When we’re trying to put ourselves out there and make new friends, it’s important to remind ourselves to say “yes” more often. Modern life is busy and tiring, and sometimes it’s so tempting to cancel on that dinner party or say no to attending after-work drinks.

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Say "yes" -

When we have set the intention of opening ourselves up to new opportunities and making new connections, it’s important to prioritize that and accept the invitations that are offered to us when we can. Of course, there are times when we’re sick or have a prior engagement, but try to follow up and suggest another time to meet, so that the opportunity isn’t missed.

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Overcoming anxious avoidance -

If your social anxiety is playing into your decision to turn down invitations, remember that the other person invited you for a reason and they want you there. Don’t let the voices in your head create a false narrative. Remember that you don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s head, and when you try to guess, you’re usually wrong!

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Initiate! -

In addition to accepting invitations, make sure that you’re also taking the initiative! Making friends is a two-way street. There’s a myth that friendships always happen organically and that if we actually make an effort to make it happen, then it’s “forced.” This is demonstrably untrue. Friendships, like any relationship, take time and energy.

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Be friendly and open -

Showing up to a meetup or a new class is often half the battle, but showing up isn’t all it takes. Start a conversation with someone, ask them how they ended up there, if they’ve done anything like it before, etc.

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Try to engage -

Push yourself to take the initiative. Maybe you could organize a group chat or suggest going for coffee or pizza with the group. It’s great when someone reaches out first and saves you the trouble, but sometimes we need to put ourselves out there.

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Breaking the ice -

You might be taking a beginner's class with several other people who came alone and look a little nervous. Nobody wants to be the first person to suggest grabbing a coffee after class, but the likelihood is that others will be grateful if you take that step and break the ice!

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Don't take it personally -

It’s also important to remember that if it doesn’t happen, you don’t need to take it personally. As mentioned earlier, we all have busy lives and commitments, and many people also suffer from social anxiety. So if there are no takers, it doesn’t mean it’s about you. Try to shake it off and don’t let it stop you from trying again. Prepare yourself for this possibility.

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Keep showing up -

Rome wasn’t built in a day, and friendships aren’t made overnight. Building genuine connections requires us to keep showing up and keep putting in the effort. Don’t let budding friendships fizzle out. Continue attending your groups, keep following up, and arrange to meet the people you’ve connected with.

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Continuous interaction -

Sometimes the issue is that you attend a one-off networking or meetup event, which doesn’t afford you the opportunity to have continuous interactions. If you’re a social butterfly and a go-getter who’s going to get multiple phone numbers and plan dinners based off of one meeting, then do you! But for most of us, it’s easier to achieve this when there are multiple opportunities to meet the same people, such as a book club or art class.

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The "exposure effect" -

It’s important to keep “the exposure effect” in mind when trying to sustain your commitment to making new friends. We have a tendency to like things more as they become more familiar, and this applies to people, too. Simply being a staple in your local yoga class will make others more comfortable with you and vice versa, even if you’ve never spoken.

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Take your time -

If you’re shy or have difficulty initiating, it’s totally fine to take it slow and get comfortable in the class or group before you try to make a friend there. Focus on enjoying and engaging with the activity itself as you become more comfortable in that setting. It’ll get easier to initiate conversations, and the opportunity might naturally arise at some point the longer you’re there.

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Practice vulnerability -

Once you’ve started to foster some new friendships, remember that vulnerability is the key to deepening those connections. You might be having a surface-level conversation with a pleasant co-worker over coffee, but you can potentially take that relationship to the next level by opening up a little about what you’re going through.

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Practice vulnerability -

Even talking about your desire to open yourself up to new experiences and friendships is a vulnerable topic of conversation! You can ask them if they have felt the same or have any suggestions. It can be scary to be vulnerable, but at a certain point in life we have to accept that it’s not worth having friendships where we can’t be ourselves. Not everyone will like us, and that’s okay.

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Patience and effort -

To summarize, the key to making friends as an adult is that you have to put in the effort and keep trying. Keep putting yourself in new situations, keep showing up, keep initiating, and be prepared to be vulnerable. It won’t work every time, but when it does, it’ll be worth it.

Sources: (Psyche) (mindbodygreen) (Verywell Mind)

See also: How to be more open-minded

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