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The trend -

If you click on the hashtag #softlife on TikTok or Instagram, you’ll see women on tropical vacations, dining at fancy restaurants, buying beautiful things for their home, doing extravagant skincare routines, or lounging around in nice clothes. While these can all potentially be parts of a soft life, it's hard to see the political stance in them.

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The origins -

The idea of the "soft life" is believed to have originated in the Nigerian influencer community and among Black women content creators as a term for living a life of comfort and low stress.

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Why it’s political -

The realities of Black women’s everyday experience involve much emotional and mental labor, as they are forcibly stuck at the intersection of racism and sexism. Lifestyle influencer and storyteller Tenicka Boyd explained to Andscape, "For many Black women it is a challenge to move past always being the responsible one, always sacrificing their enjoyment, always putting others over ourselves. The soft life is quite literally a rejection of the hard life. Life of struggle and sacrifice."

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The right term at the right time -

That the "soft living" trend emerged in 2020 in no coincidence. With the rise in public racism, threats to reproductive rights, domestic violence, inequalities in healthcare, and the economic downturn of the pandemic—all things that affect Black women’s physical, mental, and financial health—choosing softness, embracing one’s beauty, and giving oneself grace becomes a form of resistance, Boyd explained.

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Breaking generational patterns -

Soft living is also a way to reimagine life for those who have inherited a specific perspective of struggle. "I think it is important for Black women, particularly young Black women, to begin to think of a future for themselves that is positive, that is one filled with perhaps less friction and difficulties as their mother’s and their grandmother’s experience," Michelle Holder, an associate professor of economics at City University of New York, told Andscape.

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Imagination as political stance -

A 2021 paper on Political Imagination by Stephen Duncombe and Silas Harrebye, published by The Palgrave Encyclopedia of the Possible, defines political imagination as "a way of transcending political reality, and thus challenging conformity." It can be a conscious strategy or an unconscious way to process desire by visualizing possible futures "not only to find new solutions but to fundamentally reexplore and reform the frames within which we participate and collaborate in finding these new solutions."

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Imagination as political stance -

Our current politics are, as the paper describes, "woefully inadequate to face the monumental challenges of bigotry, demagoguery, inequality, climate change, and disease we face today," which is why "artists, activists, thinkers, and researchers, especially, have a responsibility to use their imagination to not only describe the world as it is and critique its shortcomings but to also conjure up visions of the world as it could be."

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Influencing the imagination -

To simplify, these influencers promoting a soft life are not only critiquing the current state of society and the quality of life offered to them, but they’re also offering a vision of the kind of society and life that more people should feel entitled to.

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Who can actually live a soft life? -

To be able to embrace soft living, the question of price quickly becomes a sticky topic. There is an element of financial security that allows one to live softly, and yet Black women still face the most obstacles in achieving financial security than other demographics.

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Who can actually live a soft life? -

Many of the popular #softliving videos show off flutes of champagne on boats, closets stuffed with nice clothes, and immense leisure time, but for many it treads the line of classism. "There’s still an educational attainment gap at the level of college completion," Holder adds. "There is still what I call the double gap in earnings, which is that Black women earn the least. If we compare Black men, Black women, white men, white women, Black women earn the least."

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The consumerism critique -

One of the biggest criticisms of the soft life movement is its reliance on consumerism—from clothes to cars, Pilates classes to plane tickets. "I get it because so much of the imagery is material things," Boyd told Andscape. "But the soft life is a state. A feeling. The soft life for some will be aspirational but I think it’s best to remember that there are ways that Black women across socioeconomic status can access the idea of ‘laying one’s burden down.’"

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The argument for frivolity -

"I am aware of the value of having property and things like that that actually matter in life, these things are just material items," fashion influencer Whitney Woods told Andscape of her desire to discuss things like designer items. "But I think that it’s great that Black women especially can have a space to discuss these materials or little things that bring them joy, too. It doesn’t always have to be so serious."

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Reimagining the archetype of leisure -

Andscape points out that for a long time throughout history, the "archetype of the woman of leisure had been previously reserved in America for white women." In other words, white royals and aristocracy could flaunt their wealth and soft lives back then in the same way that some Black women influencers are doing now, breaking open the archetype of who can look wealthy.

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Striking a balance -

On the one hand, influencer culture at large is rooted in consumerism and deserves honest critique. On the other hand, there are still valuable arguments being made in creating space for frivolity, as well as soft life’s greater influence.

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A protest against hustle culture -

Hustle culture, rise-and-grind, the #grindset mentality—whatever you call it, this culture of 24/7 work has taken over our society, feeding people the belief that you must always be working if you want to achieve success, while also perpetually moving the finish line of success by promoting the idea that there is always more to strive for.

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A protest against hustle culture -

Countless studies have looked at how burnout is devastating populations, and yet hustle culture remains prevalent, largely because there is also shame attached to those who aren’t trying to earn more money or get ever better promotions. Soft living goes boldly against the grain and promotes working less, having an identity separate from work, and prioritizing daily well-being.

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It’s not anti-work -

You can still pursue a career, however, and soft living is not about quiet quitting. Instead, it promotes setting healthy boundaries at work, leaving toxic jobs, and leaning into parts of your job that you love so you feel less stress and more joy.

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The less aesthetic side of soft living -

Since the term is originally centered on low stress, beyond all the luxuriousness, soft living necessarily includes less post-able things like going to therapy to learn how to break generational patterns, or learning how to manage your money so that you can live comfortably, as Boyd suggested.

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Using sick days and paid vacation days -

Soft living even includes the use of sick days and paid vacation days—something made to be political only because of how absolutely insidious hustle culture has become. It involves prioritizing your mental and physical health over your job.

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Accept help -

Gently moving away from the image of the strong Black woman who should be able to do everything by herself, many proponents of the soft life also believe the movement encourages learning how to ask for and accept help, and embrace vulnerability and openness.

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Do away with competition -

While much influencer content seems to encourage the idea of needing more, at its heart the soft living movement is about learning to live with less and be happy about it. So what if you only have two pairs of shoes when you get to work three days a week? So what if your friends are getting promotions, if you have finally started to feel good in your body?

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Treat yourself -

While for some this might look like designer bags and tropical vacations, this can be as simple as doing some yoga or meditation, ordering in when you’re too tired to cook dinner, or hiring some help around the house.

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Do nothing -

Deep rest is considered to be a form of productivity in the soft life. It has unfortunately become a radical political act to enjoy yourself without any consumption and without any concept of "productivity" tied to it.

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Set boundaries -

Not overextending yourself for others to your own detriment and not letting others overstep in their access to your energy is a key element to finding peace. It might not look as good as a 12-step skincare routine, but it will provide a definite glow!

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Be intentional -

Susan Eckstein, a life coach, told Her Agenda that intention is at the core of a soft life. "You must be intentional about establishing routine rituals and habits that create the energy and safe space you're looking for. Ultimately creating an environment where you feel pulled to do your work, not pushed," she said. That involves morning routines, journaling, affirmations, filtering out what content doesn’t inspire you, and being deliberate in how you spend your hard-earned money and time.

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Avoid rushing -

Sometimes rushing is inevitable, but there are also steps we can take to avoid it, particularly in the mornings, which is the crucial time to set the tone for the day. Try waking up at a time that allows you to get at least 30 minutes to yourself, to drink coffee, stretch, journal—whatever it is, as long as you start your day off with a sense of peace.

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Pamper yourself -

Learn how to paint your own nails, get a massage, deep condition your hair, take a long bath, get dolled up only for yourself, embrace your femininity, and, most of all, feel no guilt about it.

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Stop pressuring yourself -

Society has been constructed around us in a way that feels immovable. We feel we need to achieve certain milestones by certain ages, from the job we have, to how much money we make, to our home, our relationships, and so forth, but we can all redefine what a fulfilling life looks like to our own taste.

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Embrace the subjectivity -

As The Everygirl puts it, the soft life movement’s main purpose is "to reject struggle, stress, and anxiety that comes with the rat race, and instead prioritize joy and experience." With that, you can go the route of luxury and frivolity or self-care and mindfulness, and both are valid forms of soft living. 

Sources: (Andscape) (Her Agenda) (BBC) (21Ninety) (The Everygirl)

See also: Things we should stop pressuring ourselves (and each other) about

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