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0 / 31 Fotos
Discovering the reasons behind your fear of commitment
- If you are going to overcome your fear of commitment, you first need to understand where it comes from. Take some time to examine any previous experiences that may have contributed to your fear.
© Shutterstock
1 / 31 Fotos
Examine past experiences
- You may find that a close friend or therapist is able to help you with this exercise. Consider talking to family members you consider ‘safe’ about things that happened during your childhood.
© Shutterstock
2 / 31 Fotos
Name your fears
- Once you have established the potential cause of your fear, it is time to name exactly what it is you’re afraid of. Try to figure out what it is about commitment that you fear.
© Shutterstock
3 / 31 Fotos
Name your fears
- In general, most people are afraid of the intimacy and close emotional connection that comes with commitment, but this differs from person to person.
© Shutterstock
4 / 31 Fotos
Scenario 1
- For example, you may be afraid of making the wrong choice in a partner. You may be with one person but find yourself thinking, "What if there is someone better out there for me?"
© Shutterstock
5 / 31 Fotos
Scenario 2
- You may also be afraid of the monotony of a committed relationship or the prospect of losing your freedom. Whatever it is, it’s important to name it.
© Shutterstock
6 / 31 Fotos
Journal
- Once you have identified your exact fear, it is time to put pen to paper. Spend some time writing down exactly what it is that scares you about commitment.
© Shutterstock
7 / 31 Fotos
Journal
- Bear in mind that journaling can help you understand yourself and clarify your feelings better. Your written record will also serve as great evidence of your progress down the line.
© Shutterstock
8 / 31 Fotos
Look at other areas of your life
- It is also a good idea to examine the other areas of your life to establish whether your fear of commitment also manifests itself there.
© Shutterstock
9 / 31 Fotos
Look at other areas of your life
- For example, you may struggle staying in the same job for an extended period of time, or living in the same area long enough to get to know people.
© Shutterstock
10 / 31 Fotos
Find a therapist
- Whether your fear of commitment applies to relationships only or multiple areas of your life, a therapist or counselor can help you explore your issues.
© Shutterstock
11 / 31 Fotos
Find a therapist
- There are professionals out there who specialize in relationship issues and attachment theory, so you may consider approaching someone in the field.
© Shutterstock
12 / 31 Fotos
Have realistic expectations
- When it comes to committing to a long-term relationship, there are certain things you can keep in mind to make it easier on yourself. The first is to have realistic expectations.
© Shutterstock
13 / 31 Fotos
Have realistic expectations
- Remind yourself that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and that comparisons are unhelpful and should be avoided at all costs.
© Shutterstock
14 / 31 Fotos
Communicate
- It is also important to keep communication lines open with your partner and be honest about your feelings. This way you can avoid surprises and trust issues on both sides.
© Shutterstock
15 / 31 Fotos
Communicate
- Try to be as specific as possible about problems that you need to address and the way they make you feel. Sweeping generalizations tend to make people feel attacked.
© Shutterstock
16 / 31 Fotos
Explain your fears
- You may find it helpful to talk about your fears to your partner. While it may be an upsetting conversation for them, it is better that they know how you feel.
© Shutterstock
17 / 31 Fotos
Explain your fears
- Bear in mind that you are not doing anything wrong by staying in the relationship, provided that you are honest about your fear of committing.
© Shutterstock
18 / 31 Fotos
Think about your personal goals for the future
- At the same time, try to think about and define your personal goals for the future. It is important that you recognize whether your five- or 10-year plan includes a committed relationship.
© Shutterstock
19 / 31 Fotos
Think about your personal goals for the future
- If it does, but you think that for now things are moving too fast with your partner, express that to them. It is important to discuss your ideas with your significant other.
© Shutterstock
20 / 31 Fotos
Remember why you're with your partner
- You may like to think, too, about all the reasons you are with your partner. Cast your mind back to why you chose them in the first place, and consider why you stay with them.
© Shutterstock
21 / 31 Fotos
Remember why you're with your partner
- You could even keep a list of those reasons in a safe place, so that you can easily access it during times that you feel particularly anxious or like you want to run.
© Shutterstock
22 / 31 Fotos
Fear of commitment and dating
- If you are not yet in a relationship and are more concerned with how to deal with fear of commitment while on the dating scene, fear not! There are also some things you can try.
© Shutterstock
23 / 31 Fotos
Make concrete plans and don't cancel
- First of all, when making plans, it is important that those plans are concrete and that you do not cancel.
© Shutterstock
24 / 31 Fotos
Make concrete plans and don't cancel
- Bear in mind that commitment-phobes are notorious for being flaky and hard to pin down. Don’t contribute to the stereotype!
© Shutterstock
25 / 31 Fotos
Make concrete plans and don't cancel
- Challenge yourself to commit properly to plans a week or more in advance, and, even more importantly, do not cancel unless there is an emergency.
© Shutterstock
26 / 31 Fotos
Stop collecting random numbers
- Another important tip is to stop getting the numbers of people you have no intention of calling. This is hurtful and only sets other people up for disappointment.
© Shutterstock
27 / 31 Fotos
Stop collecting random numbers
- Next time someone asks you out and you have no real interest, try responding with a kind but firm sentence such as, "I’m not really interested in dating right now, but thank you."
© Shutterstock
28 / 31 Fotos
Pursue the person you're really interested in
- Last but not least, try to put yourself out there for the person you are really interested in. More often than not, commitment-phobes will not pursue people they really like because they are scared of rejection.
© Shutterstock
29 / 31 Fotos
Pursue the person you're really interested in
- Try to push past this and take the risk. If the relationship doesn’t go anywhere or the person is not interested, you will learn it is not the end of the world. If anything, the setback will make you stronger. Sources: (WikiHow)
© Shutterstock
30 / 31 Fotos
© Shutterstock
0 / 31 Fotos
Discovering the reasons behind your fear of commitment
- If you are going to overcome your fear of commitment, you first need to understand where it comes from. Take some time to examine any previous experiences that may have contributed to your fear.
© Shutterstock
1 / 31 Fotos
Examine past experiences
- You may find that a close friend or therapist is able to help you with this exercise. Consider talking to family members you consider ‘safe’ about things that happened during your childhood.
© Shutterstock
2 / 31 Fotos
Name your fears
- Once you have established the potential cause of your fear, it is time to name exactly what it is you’re afraid of. Try to figure out what it is about commitment that you fear.
© Shutterstock
3 / 31 Fotos
Name your fears
- In general, most people are afraid of the intimacy and close emotional connection that comes with commitment, but this differs from person to person.
© Shutterstock
4 / 31 Fotos
Scenario 1
- For example, you may be afraid of making the wrong choice in a partner. You may be with one person but find yourself thinking, "What if there is someone better out there for me?"
© Shutterstock
5 / 31 Fotos
Scenario 2
- You may also be afraid of the monotony of a committed relationship or the prospect of losing your freedom. Whatever it is, it’s important to name it.
© Shutterstock
6 / 31 Fotos
Journal
- Once you have identified your exact fear, it is time to put pen to paper. Spend some time writing down exactly what it is that scares you about commitment.
© Shutterstock
7 / 31 Fotos
Journal
- Bear in mind that journaling can help you understand yourself and clarify your feelings better. Your written record will also serve as great evidence of your progress down the line.
© Shutterstock
8 / 31 Fotos
Look at other areas of your life
- It is also a good idea to examine the other areas of your life to establish whether your fear of commitment also manifests itself there.
© Shutterstock
9 / 31 Fotos
Look at other areas of your life
- For example, you may struggle staying in the same job for an extended period of time, or living in the same area long enough to get to know people.
© Shutterstock
10 / 31 Fotos
Find a therapist
- Whether your fear of commitment applies to relationships only or multiple areas of your life, a therapist or counselor can help you explore your issues.
© Shutterstock
11 / 31 Fotos
Find a therapist
- There are professionals out there who specialize in relationship issues and attachment theory, so you may consider approaching someone in the field.
© Shutterstock
12 / 31 Fotos
Have realistic expectations
- When it comes to committing to a long-term relationship, there are certain things you can keep in mind to make it easier on yourself. The first is to have realistic expectations.
© Shutterstock
13 / 31 Fotos
Have realistic expectations
- Remind yourself that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and that comparisons are unhelpful and should be avoided at all costs.
© Shutterstock
14 / 31 Fotos
Communicate
- It is also important to keep communication lines open with your partner and be honest about your feelings. This way you can avoid surprises and trust issues on both sides.
© Shutterstock
15 / 31 Fotos
Communicate
- Try to be as specific as possible about problems that you need to address and the way they make you feel. Sweeping generalizations tend to make people feel attacked.
© Shutterstock
16 / 31 Fotos
Explain your fears
- You may find it helpful to talk about your fears to your partner. While it may be an upsetting conversation for them, it is better that they know how you feel.
© Shutterstock
17 / 31 Fotos
Explain your fears
- Bear in mind that you are not doing anything wrong by staying in the relationship, provided that you are honest about your fear of committing.
© Shutterstock
18 / 31 Fotos
Think about your personal goals for the future
- At the same time, try to think about and define your personal goals for the future. It is important that you recognize whether your five- or 10-year plan includes a committed relationship.
© Shutterstock
19 / 31 Fotos
Think about your personal goals for the future
- If it does, but you think that for now things are moving too fast with your partner, express that to them. It is important to discuss your ideas with your significant other.
© Shutterstock
20 / 31 Fotos
Remember why you're with your partner
- You may like to think, too, about all the reasons you are with your partner. Cast your mind back to why you chose them in the first place, and consider why you stay with them.
© Shutterstock
21 / 31 Fotos
Remember why you're with your partner
- You could even keep a list of those reasons in a safe place, so that you can easily access it during times that you feel particularly anxious or like you want to run.
© Shutterstock
22 / 31 Fotos
Fear of commitment and dating
- If you are not yet in a relationship and are more concerned with how to deal with fear of commitment while on the dating scene, fear not! There are also some things you can try.
© Shutterstock
23 / 31 Fotos
Make concrete plans and don't cancel
- First of all, when making plans, it is important that those plans are concrete and that you do not cancel.
© Shutterstock
24 / 31 Fotos
Make concrete plans and don't cancel
- Bear in mind that commitment-phobes are notorious for being flaky and hard to pin down. Don’t contribute to the stereotype!
© Shutterstock
25 / 31 Fotos
Make concrete plans and don't cancel
- Challenge yourself to commit properly to plans a week or more in advance, and, even more importantly, do not cancel unless there is an emergency.
© Shutterstock
26 / 31 Fotos
Stop collecting random numbers
- Another important tip is to stop getting the numbers of people you have no intention of calling. This is hurtful and only sets other people up for disappointment.
© Shutterstock
27 / 31 Fotos
Stop collecting random numbers
- Next time someone asks you out and you have no real interest, try responding with a kind but firm sentence such as, "I’m not really interested in dating right now, but thank you."
© Shutterstock
28 / 31 Fotos
Pursue the person you're really interested in
- Last but not least, try to put yourself out there for the person you are really interested in. More often than not, commitment-phobes will not pursue people they really like because they are scared of rejection.
© Shutterstock
29 / 31 Fotos
Pursue the person you're really interested in
- Try to push past this and take the risk. If the relationship doesn’t go anywhere or the person is not interested, you will learn it is not the end of the world. If anything, the setback will make you stronger. Sources: (WikiHow)
© Shutterstock
30 / 31 Fotos
Helpful tips to overcome a fear of commitment
How to overcome trauma and build lasting relationships
© Shutterstock
If you suffer from a fear of commitment, or someone close to you does, you'll know how tricky it can be to manage. Individuals who have commitment problems almost always struggle to build meaningful relationships, usually through no desire or immediate fault of their own.
A fear of commitment can often be traced back to early experiences of difficult or toxic relationships. Fortunately, there are things we can do to overcome a fear of commitment, even if it is well-entrenched.
The number one piece of advice is to find a therapist or counselor who can help you through this healing process. There are professionals who specialize in this area, so don't be afraid to explore your options.
In the meantime, however, there is personal work you can do to move things along. Check out this gallery for some tips on how to overcome a fear of commitment.
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