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What is conversational narcissism? -

Conversational narcissism refers to the inclination of dominating a conversation and redirecting the attention towards oneself.

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How it was discovered -

Sociologist Charles Derber identified the phenomenon of "conversational narcissism" by observing 1,500 conversations. He observed that many individuals were intentionally or unconsciously seeking attention during the dialogue.

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It doesn't mean you're self-centered -

Having some of these characteristics doesn't imply that you're entirely self-centered. Some individuals employ these inclinations as a way to cope with anxiety, while others simply strive to communicate their ideas more efficiently. Nevertheless, it is crucial that if you identify these tendencies in yourself, you make an effort to counterbalance them.

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How to know If you're a conversational narcissist -

To begin, it is crucial to identify the characteristics that define a conversational narcissist. You can self-identify as one if you exhibit the following traits:

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You immediately seek people out -

When you first enter a space, it's important to find someone to talk to, preferably someone who you can share information about yourself with.

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You don't ask follow-up questions -

The speaker's topic doesn't interest you, so you refrain from asking any additional inquiries to continue the conversation.

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You-re the only one talking -

Talking to new people is an enjoyable experience, but it's important that conversations are not one-sided.

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You only respond in non-committal noises -

Instead of actively engaging in listening, you tend to make passive noises like "uh-huh" or "yeah." This behavior may stem from simply waiting for the other person to finish speaking so you can have your turn to talk again.

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You lack concern for how others are feeling -

In most conversations, it is customary to inquire about the other person's welfare. However, you frequently omit this step.

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You find people boring -

After conversations, you often feel that people don't have much to say, leaving you unfulfilled.

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You constantly give advice -

Often, advice is given with good intentions but without solicitation from the other person.

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You interrupt -

You often interject in other people's stories and opinions because you believe that what you have to say is of greater importance or accuracy.

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You initiate conversation without prompting -

You forgo the customary "how are you?" and "hello," diving straight into a personal anecdote, presuming it's what others wish to listen to.

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You frequently use a shift-response -

A shift-response occurs when you contribute to someone else's story to redirect attention to yourself. This is frequently employed alongside follow-up inquiries to subtly redirect the focus, often without the other person's awareness.

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You point out others' mistakes -

When you have a different opinion, you tend to disregard the other person's perspective and assert that they are mistaken, rather than engaging in a discussion to understand their viewpoint.

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Always got a "better" story -

During conversations, you often share a related and evidently superior story about yourself whenever someone else tells a story. However, this should only happen occasionally, as it can become tiresome to constantly be one-upped.

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Instructions for addressing this issue -

If any of these traits describe you, don't worry. There are methods to improve these habits, allowing for better and more harmonious discussions.

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Collaborative, not combative -

Cooperation is essential for a meaningful conversation. When participants willingly give and receive attention, it creates a cooperative atmosphere for quality discussions.

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Listen to comprehend -

Listen attentively to comprehend the speaker's message instead of searching for opportunities to divert the conversation. Demonstrate genuine interest by asking relevant questions for clarification without distorting their intended meaning.

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Ask questions -

Asking questions indicates active listening and a desire to learn more about the other person. It helps the conversation progress and strengthens the bond between individuals.

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Stop trying to be better than others -

Simply appreciate the glimpse into another person's life without feeling compelled to compare or come up with a supposedly "superior" story.

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Provide assistance -

Supporting responses, which may include follow-up questions or appropriate observations, are responses that keep the focus on the person speaking and the specific topic being discussed.

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Wait until people express interest in your personal stories -

If the other person is not a conversational narcissist, they will eventually inquire about your experiences or opinion. Instead of seizing the spotlight, wait for them to offer it to you.

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Ask permission before offering advice -

People may seek advice or simply vent or share their stories. It is important to wait until they explicitly ask for advice or clarify their intention. This way, you can ensure that your response aligns with their expectations and needs.

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Clarify if you disagree -

Rather than simply stating someone is incorrect, it is advisable to understand their perspective. This approach facilitates more productive discussions and enables a fruitful interchange of thoughts and concepts.

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How to handle a conversational narcissist effectively -

If you find yourself engaged in a conversation with a conversational narcissist, whether it's with someone you don't know or a close friend, here are some strategies you can employ to provide assistance.

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Recognize it's not about you -

If someone keeps shifting their focus during a conversation, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're boring. Having a conversation with a narcissist has nothing to do with you.

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Wait patiently -

Use their own tactics. Refrain from posing follow-up queries or participating in their anecdotes, as their primary goal is simply attaining your undivided attention.

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Employ empathic confrontation -

Wendy Behary, the author of 'Disarming the Narcissist,' proposes empathetic confrontation. In essence, you prevent them from dominating the conversation and kindly request their attention so that you can share further.

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Set boundaries -

To minimize exposure to these individuals, it's important to manage your time around them. Whenever you engage in conversation, keep in mind the potential consequences. 

See also: Learn to recognize the signs of a toxic friendship

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