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Texting habits -

If you are someone who spends a lot of time looking at their phone, you probably have your own texting habits.

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Individual style -

Whether you are an immediate responder who sends paragraph-long messages, or a ‘left on read’ person who sometimes forgets to reply at all, everyone has their own style.

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Reflecting on your habits -

Unless someone’s texting behavior has caused an issue in some way, however, you may not have given the topic much thought.

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Time for self-reflection -

However, it is worth taking some time to consider what your texting habits are, since they could very well be indicative of your attachment style.

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The influence of attachment styles -

A person’s attachment style influences their behavior in all different spheres of life, and digital communication is, unsurprisingly, no exception.

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What are attachment styles? -

Attachment styles are formed during early childhood and they go on to influence how we interact with others for the rest of our adult lives.

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Anxious attachment -

Broadly speaking, there are four different attachment styles. The first is anxious attachment. People with this attachment style long for intimacy and closeness.

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Anxious attachment -

However, anxious attachment individuals often struggle to feel worthy of love, and this can lead to clingy and needy behavior.

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Avoidant attachment -

At the other end of the spectrum, we have the avoidant attachment style. People in this category tend to push other people away due to a fear of intimacy and dependence.

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Fearful-avoidant attachment -

The fearful-avoidant style blends elements of both the above attachment styles, resulting in behaviors that are often unpredictable.

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Secure attachment -

And, finally, the secure attachment style. People in this category usually feel safe and stable in relationships, meaning that intimacy comes more easily.

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How attachment style affects texting -

As previously mentioned, there are certain texting behaviors that are indicative of each of the attachment styles.

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Anxious texters -

For starters, people who have an anxious attachment style tend to text frequently and respond quickly, with the expectation that others do the same.

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Common habits -

Anxious attachment people are often the first person to text, and it is not uncommon for them to send paragraph-long messages.

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Overanalysis -

They spend a lot of time overanalyzing the other person’s response, and will often assume the worst if they don’t get the response they were expecting.

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What to do -

If you suspect you may be an anxious texter, try taking a deep breath and practice self-soothing techniques when the person you are texting does not immediately respond.

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What to do -

Try to set boundaries with yourself about how often you text, and remind yourself that your well-being and self-worth are not determined by the speed of anyone’s reply.

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Avoidant texters -

Avoidant texters are pretty much the opposite of anxious texters. Their style is minimal and sporadic, and often they will leave people on read for days.

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Distant and superficial -

When they do respond, the texts of an avoider will often feel matter-of-fact and distant. The conversation is very superficial.

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Otherwise occupied -

It is very rare for an avoidant texter to initiate the conversation, and a lot of the time they delay their response because they are focused on their own life.

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What to do -

If you think you may be an avoidant texter, it is important to recognize that your habits can be hurtful to those closest to you.

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What to do -

It helps to set boundaries early on in a relationship. Let the other person know when you are busy, and explain your preferred texting rhythm so they know what to expect.

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Fearful-avoidant texters -

People who have a fearful-avoidant attachment style tend to have the most chaotic and unpredictable texting habits of the lot.

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Inconsistent -

The communication pattern is often very inconsistent, swinging between irritating over-texting and complete radio silence.

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What to do -

If you think you may be a fearful-avoidant texter, try to bear in mind that your habits can be very confusing and overwhelming for the people you communicate with.

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What to do -

Swinging between extremes of intimacy and distance can be very exhausting, so it is best to pause to process any strong emotions that might be headed your way.

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Learning to control impulse -

From there, you can practice crafting a more conscientious response, rather than acting impulsively.

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Secure texters -

Last but not least, we have the secure texters. People with this attachment style tend to be consistent, reliable, and clear communicators.

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Can feel 'boring' -

Sometimes, the texting habits of a secure attachment person can feel a little ‘boring’ to those who are more used to the chase.

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The best way to be -

However, if you are a secure texter, keep doing what you’re doing. After all, a secure attachment style is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

Sources: (Verywell Mind)

See also: A guide to confident and productive communication

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