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How to know someone else’s love language
- According to Chapman, you must observe how a person expresses love to others, and analyze both what they complain about and request from their partner most.
© Shutterstock
1 / 30 Fotos
To achieve better communication
- The theory is that people tend to give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. When you demonstrate your caring in a love language your partner understands, you communicate your feelings much more clearly.
© Shutterstock
2 / 30 Fotos
Where problems arise - If Partner A’s love language is acts of service, they'd be confused if they cleaned the house and Partner B wasn’t overjoyed. But Partner B’s love language is words of affirmation. That’s also why Partner B’s verbal expressions of love aren’t as valued by Partner A. Neither partner feels loved, despite trying to express love for each other in their own way.
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You can learn other languages - Similar to the way we can become more comfortable conversing in a second language with practice, we can also practice using secondary love languages.
© Shutterstock
4 / 30 Fotos
After analyzing your partner... - It’s time to see what the five different love languages entail, and get some examples of each. Remember that within each love language there exist many dialects.
© Shutterstock
5 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - One way to express love is to use words, one of humankind's greatest tools. Chapman suggests simple, straightforward statements of affirmation.
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1. Words of affirmation - One way is to give compliments. Tell your partner they look fantastic even when they’re wearing pajamas.
© Shutterstock
7 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - Another example is to tell them you appreciate them. Acknowledge something they do that makes you happy, like if they are always punctual when meeting you.
© Shutterstock
8 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation
- Shower them with love! There are many ways to say “I love you” without saying those words, and using alternate, more specific avenues can have a greater impact.
© Shutterstock
9 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - It's also important to note that for those who prefer this love language, negative or insulting comments can hurt more intensely, and it can take longer to recover.
© Shutterstock
10 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time - Time is money, and for many people using it on them is the most valuable form of love that money could never buy.
© Shutterstock
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2. Quality time - Quality time does not, however, mean binge-watching Netflix together. It’s all about giving your undivided attention to your partner.
© Shutterstock
12 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time - Planning a date is a great way to set aside a chunk of time just for you two, or you could go bigger and plan an entire trip.
© Shutterstock
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2. Quality time
- You can share quality time in small ways as well, like sitting down to dinner together or having a designated no-technology time.
© Shutterstock
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2. Quality time - For people who have this love language, cancelling plans or postponing time together hurts more than it would for others.
© Shutterstock
15 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - Love is about giving, and all five love languages challenge couples to give, but for some, receiving visible or tangible symbols of love is the most significant.
© Shutterstock
16 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - A misconception about this love language is that it requires money, but the gift lies in the thought behind it, no matter how much it costs.
© Shutterstock
17 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - Physical gifts also show how much you know about a person, even if it’s just getting a pint of their favorite ice cream after they've had a long day.
© Shutterstock
18 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - What if you’ve gotten by with giving cash and/or gift cards until now? Well, now’s the time to brush up on your second language. Chapman says learning this language is easiest.
© Shutterstock
19 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - If this is your partner’s love language, they’ll be very offended if your gifts are last-minute, generic, or forgotten.
© Shutterstock
20 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - This just means doing things you know your partner would like you to do. By doing these practical things, you serve them and they feel loved.
© Shutterstock
21 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - Consider things like cooking a meal, getting the car tires changed, changing the baby's diaper, picking up a prescription—these are all acts of service. They require thought, time, planning, and effort.
© Shutterstock
22 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - Many couples fall into the trap of stereotyped categories of chores, but to best express your love and meet the needs of your partner, you must be willing to examine and challenge those stereotypes.
© Shutterstock
23 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - The phrase "actions speak louder than words" rings most true for people who speak this love language. So if they aren’t responding to a wave of compliments, perhaps you’re speaking the wrong one!
© Shutterstock
24 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - All of these acts must also be done with positivity and with your partner's happiness as the goal, otherwise they are just obligations and cannot be expressions of love.
© Shutterstock
25 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch - We have long known that physical touch is a way to communicate emotional love, which holds true from the minute we are born. For many people, physical touch remains integral to love their whole lives.
© Shutterstock
26 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch - It's not just sex either. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and more are all ways of communicating emotional love.
© Shutterstock
27 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch - Just sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite TV show counts. Plus, you'd be surprised at how beneficial a small touch as you pass them can be.
© Shutterstock
28 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch
- For those who prefer this love language, not having regular physical contact can be detrimental to a relationship. See also: Warning signs you're sabotaging your relationship and how to stop
© Shutterstock
29 / 30 Fotos
© Shutterstock
0 / 30 Fotos
How to know someone else’s love language
- According to Chapman, you must observe how a person expresses love to others, and analyze both what they complain about and request from their partner most.
© Shutterstock
1 / 30 Fotos
To achieve better communication
- The theory is that people tend to give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. When you demonstrate your caring in a love language your partner understands, you communicate your feelings much more clearly.
© Shutterstock
2 / 30 Fotos
Where problems arise - If Partner A’s love language is acts of service, they'd be confused if they cleaned the house and Partner B wasn’t overjoyed. But Partner B’s love language is words of affirmation. That’s also why Partner B’s verbal expressions of love aren’t as valued by Partner A. Neither partner feels loved, despite trying to express love for each other in their own way.
© Shutterstock
3 / 30 Fotos
You can learn other languages - Similar to the way we can become more comfortable conversing in a second language with practice, we can also practice using secondary love languages.
© Shutterstock
4 / 30 Fotos
After analyzing your partner... - It’s time to see what the five different love languages entail, and get some examples of each. Remember that within each love language there exist many dialects.
© Shutterstock
5 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - One way to express love is to use words, one of humankind's greatest tools. Chapman suggests simple, straightforward statements of affirmation.
© Shutterstock
6 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - One way is to give compliments. Tell your partner they look fantastic even when they’re wearing pajamas.
© Shutterstock
7 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - Another example is to tell them you appreciate them. Acknowledge something they do that makes you happy, like if they are always punctual when meeting you.
© Shutterstock
8 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation
- Shower them with love! There are many ways to say “I love you” without saying those words, and using alternate, more specific avenues can have a greater impact.
© Shutterstock
9 / 30 Fotos
1. Words of affirmation - It's also important to note that for those who prefer this love language, negative or insulting comments can hurt more intensely, and it can take longer to recover.
© Shutterstock
10 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time - Time is money, and for many people using it on them is the most valuable form of love that money could never buy.
© Shutterstock
11 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time - Quality time does not, however, mean binge-watching Netflix together. It’s all about giving your undivided attention to your partner.
© Shutterstock
12 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time - Planning a date is a great way to set aside a chunk of time just for you two, or you could go bigger and plan an entire trip.
© Shutterstock
13 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time
- You can share quality time in small ways as well, like sitting down to dinner together or having a designated no-technology time.
© Shutterstock
14 / 30 Fotos
2. Quality time - For people who have this love language, cancelling plans or postponing time together hurts more than it would for others.
© Shutterstock
15 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - Love is about giving, and all five love languages challenge couples to give, but for some, receiving visible or tangible symbols of love is the most significant.
© Shutterstock
16 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - A misconception about this love language is that it requires money, but the gift lies in the thought behind it, no matter how much it costs.
© Shutterstock
17 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - Physical gifts also show how much you know about a person, even if it’s just getting a pint of their favorite ice cream after they've had a long day.
© Shutterstock
18 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - What if you’ve gotten by with giving cash and/or gift cards until now? Well, now’s the time to brush up on your second language. Chapman says learning this language is easiest.
© Shutterstock
19 / 30 Fotos
3. Receiving gifts - If this is your partner’s love language, they’ll be very offended if your gifts are last-minute, generic, or forgotten.
© Shutterstock
20 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - This just means doing things you know your partner would like you to do. By doing these practical things, you serve them and they feel loved.
© Shutterstock
21 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - Consider things like cooking a meal, getting the car tires changed, changing the baby's diaper, picking up a prescription—these are all acts of service. They require thought, time, planning, and effort.
© Shutterstock
22 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - Many couples fall into the trap of stereotyped categories of chores, but to best express your love and meet the needs of your partner, you must be willing to examine and challenge those stereotypes.
© Shutterstock
23 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - The phrase "actions speak louder than words" rings most true for people who speak this love language. So if they aren’t responding to a wave of compliments, perhaps you’re speaking the wrong one!
© Shutterstock
24 / 30 Fotos
4. Acts of service - All of these acts must also be done with positivity and with your partner's happiness as the goal, otherwise they are just obligations and cannot be expressions of love.
© Shutterstock
25 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch - We have long known that physical touch is a way to communicate emotional love, which holds true from the minute we are born. For many people, physical touch remains integral to love their whole lives.
© Shutterstock
26 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch - It's not just sex either. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and more are all ways of communicating emotional love.
© Shutterstock
27 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch - Just sitting close to each other as you watch your favorite TV show counts. Plus, you'd be surprised at how beneficial a small touch as you pass them can be.
© Shutterstock
28 / 30 Fotos
5. Physical touch
- For those who prefer this love language, not having regular physical contact can be detrimental to a relationship. See also: Warning signs you're sabotaging your relationship and how to stop
© Shutterstock
29 / 30 Fotos
What's your love language?
Everyone’s talking about it, but here’s how to use it
© Shutterstock
Lately it seems the world of dating and romance has been gravitating towards the topic of love languages. Many people know there are different ways of expressing love, but few people know the origins of this conversation, or that it's far from new.
It actually stems back to 1992, when a man named Gary Chapman published a book called ‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.’ It outlines five different ways to express and experience love, for which Chapman coined the term "love languages."
He claims that the five love languages are: receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. According to this theory, each person has one primary and one secondary love language.
Being familiar with these forms of expressing and experiencing love, and knowing which languages you and your partner prefer, can be the make-or-break factor in a relationship. After all, lasting relationships, even in Hollywood, depend first and foremost on love and communication, and speaking different love languages can be as different as Chinese is from English.
The book sold 8,500 copies in its first year, which was actually four times what the publisher expected. The next year it sold 17,000, and two years later, 137,000. It has spent around 300 weeks on the New York Times Best Seller list, it has been translated into over 40 languages, and it continues to become popular with every new generation embarking on their search for love.
If you’re curious about how to figure out your own or someone else’s love language, and you want to know how to use those languages to better your relationships, check out this gallery to
go over the basics
and get some concrete examples.
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