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0 / 31 Fotos
What does stress look like in children?
- Human bodies are wired to experience stress in more or less the same way, but the way it presents in our emotions and behavior can vary dramatically. The way children experience stress is very different from adults.
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1 / 31 Fotos
Changes in behavior - Depending on the age of the child, stress could manifest as increased crying and irritation, changes in eating or sleeping habits, difficulty concentrating, disorganization and forgetfulness, or regressive behavior.
© Shutterstock
2 / 31 Fotos
Teenagers
- Teens might also demonstrate these signs of stress, along with moodiness, a change in their performance at school and social interactions, more frequent illnesses, and even substance abuse.
© Shutterstock
3 / 31 Fotos
Watch and learn
- Remember that children learn by watching the adults in their life. They will often follow your lead when it comes to dealing with anger, stress, and other difficult feelings.
© Shutterstock
4 / 31 Fotos
Lead by example
- As parents and carers, we have a responsibility to develop healthy coping strategies so that we minimize the effect our stress has on our kids and pass on positive behavior.
© Shutterstock
5 / 31 Fotos
We all have our moments
- That being said, no one is perfect and we all experience periods of high stress that can affect our mood and behavior. When this happens, it’s important to be open and communicate with our kids so they understand what’s going on.
© Shutterstock
6 / 31 Fotos
Communicate
- Sharing your own experiences with stress with your children helps to demystify the topic and open a dialogue with them. Help make stress a safe and normal experience to discuss.
© Shutterstock
7 / 31 Fotos
Be vulnerable
- Talking about your own challenges with stress is a great way to show them that we are all learning all the time. There is no end goal of perfection—we just keep doing our best and learning from our experiences.
© Shutterstock
8 / 31 Fotos
Help them understand what stress is - Explain that stress is a natural thing everyone experiences. Becoming stressed isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it’s proof that the body is doing its job to try and keep us safe from perceived threats. Stress is the body’s way of telling us that everything is not okay.
© Shutterstock
9 / 31 Fotos
Tell them what's going on
- Naturally, the way you open up about stress will vary depending on the age of the child. If you’re speaking to a young child, you might explain that you’re feeling a little cranky and need to do some belly breaths to feel better. You can even invite them to take deep breaths with you!
© Shutterstock
10 / 31 Fotos
Admit when you're wrong
- If you’re dealing with a teenager, you might explain that you were short with them because you were feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and you’re sorry for not handling your feelings better. Both of these examples have the benefit of opening communication, demystifying stress as a topic, and sharing healthy strategies with your kids.
© Shutterstock
11 / 31 Fotos
Listening above talking
- When discussing stress with your kids outside of a direct incident, the goal is to reframe how they might think about stress and open a dialogue about it. Let them speak more than you do to prevent it from turning into a parental lecture.
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12 / 31 Fotos
Express curiosity
- You can do this by asking simple open questions. For example, you might ask them what is scary about the situation, how big is the problem on a scale from one to 10, what parts of it are under their control, etc.
© Shutterstock
13 / 31 Fotos
Calm the body first
- If your child is experiencing stress at that moment, help them to calm down physically before launching into a conversation. This might be encouraging deep breaths, focusing on grounding feelings, and a long hug!
© Shutterstock
14 / 31 Fotos
Recognize and react
- Speak to them about they feel when they’re stressed. They might notice that their heads get “buzzy,” which is a sign they need to find a tool to calm down. Talk to them about what makes them feel calmer, whether it be taking deep breaths, rubbing their ears, or giving themselves a hug.
© Shutterstock
15 / 31 Fotos
Communication essentials for talking to kids
- Click on for more useful communication tips that will help you create an open and non-judgmental atmosphere for your kids to share with you.
© Shutterstock
16 / 31 Fotos
Be available
- Notice the times that your kids are most talkative or open to sharing, such as car rides when it’s just the two of you or when you’re saying good night to them in bed.
© Shutterstock
17 / 31 Fotos
Start the conversation
- It lets them know that you’re open and available, and that it’s not a taboo subject. It also shows that you care about what’s going on in their lives.
© Shutterstock
18 / 31 Fotos
Regular one-on-ones
- Schedule a one-on-one activity with your kid (or each of your kids) once a week or once a month so they know they can regularly rely on having your full attention. Try to be consistent and put phones away during this time.
© Shutterstock
19 / 31 Fotos
Connect through their interests
- Learn about your kid’s hobbies. Whatever their main interests may be, whether it’s music, sports, or art, show that you’re interested and create space for them to talk about it.
© Shutterstock
20 / 31 Fotos
Start with general observations
- Begin conversations by sharing what you’ve been thinking about, or an issue that is affecting other kids in general. This is an easier way to bring up a topic without confronting them immediately with a question.
© Shutterstock
21 / 31 Fotos
Listen actively
- When your child starts to talk about a concern, stop whatever else you are doing and give them your full attention.
© Shutterstock
22 / 31 Fotos
Don't bombard them with questions
- Show that you are listening and interested without being overly intrusive. Jumping in with questions and comments might cause them to clam up.
© Shutterstock
23 / 31 Fotos
Hear them out fully
- This means hearing them out even if it’s somewhat painful to listen to. Children often come out with worries that seem irrational and that you want to assuage immediately, but it’s important not to be dismissive of their experience.
© Shutterstock
24 / 31 Fotos
Repeat back
- Let them express themselves fully before you respond. You might want to repeat back to them what you understand from what they’ve told you, to ensure there are no miscommunications and to assure them that you’re really listening.
© Shutterstock
25 / 31 Fotos
Remain open and non-judgmental
- Remember that a child might test the waters by telling you just a small part of the story. If they don’t feel understood or see that you’re jumping straight to trying to teach them a lesson, they might hold back the rest. Listen with empathy and without judgment.
© Shutterstock
26 / 31 Fotos
Respond thoughtfully
- Even if you’re feeling upset or angry about what they’ve told you, try to soften your reaction. If they feel that you’re being judgmental or defensive, the possibility of having a conversation that actually helps will be greatly diminished.
© Shutterstock
27 / 31 Fotos
It's okay to disagree - If they have expressed something about you or other family members that you don’t agree with, acknowledge that it’s okay to disagree sometimes and don’t minimize their opinion. You can offer your own opinion and communicate that they’re not obliged to agree with it.
© Shutterstock
28 / 31 Fotos
Focus on their experience, not yours
- Make sure to focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own during the conversation. If a child comes to you with a problem, it’s easy to express how sad you are for them and how upset it makes you that they’re hurt or stressed. However, this may discourage them from opening up to you again because they won’t want to upset you.
© Shutterstock
29 / 31 Fotos
Find out what they need
- One of the most important things is to ask what they want and need from you. Sometimes we open up to others because we need help with a problem, and sometimes we just need a kind ear. It can be frustrating when we get the wrong response.
© Shutterstock
30 / 31 Fotos
© Shutterstock
0 / 31 Fotos
What does stress look like in children?
- Human bodies are wired to experience stress in more or less the same way, but the way it presents in our emotions and behavior can vary dramatically. The way children experience stress is very different from adults.
© Shutterstock
1 / 31 Fotos
Changes in behavior - Depending on the age of the child, stress could manifest as increased crying and irritation, changes in eating or sleeping habits, difficulty concentrating, disorganization and forgetfulness, or regressive behavior.
© Shutterstock
2 / 31 Fotos
Teenagers
- Teens might also demonstrate these signs of stress, along with moodiness, a change in their performance at school and social interactions, more frequent illnesses, and even substance abuse.
© Shutterstock
3 / 31 Fotos
Watch and learn
- Remember that children learn by watching the adults in their life. They will often follow your lead when it comes to dealing with anger, stress, and other difficult feelings.
© Shutterstock
4 / 31 Fotos
Lead by example
- As parents and carers, we have a responsibility to develop healthy coping strategies so that we minimize the effect our stress has on our kids and pass on positive behavior.
© Shutterstock
5 / 31 Fotos
We all have our moments
- That being said, no one is perfect and we all experience periods of high stress that can affect our mood and behavior. When this happens, it’s important to be open and communicate with our kids so they understand what’s going on.
© Shutterstock
6 / 31 Fotos
Communicate
- Sharing your own experiences with stress with your children helps to demystify the topic and open a dialogue with them. Help make stress a safe and normal experience to discuss.
© Shutterstock
7 / 31 Fotos
Be vulnerable
- Talking about your own challenges with stress is a great way to show them that we are all learning all the time. There is no end goal of perfection—we just keep doing our best and learning from our experiences.
© Shutterstock
8 / 31 Fotos
Help them understand what stress is - Explain that stress is a natural thing everyone experiences. Becoming stressed isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it’s proof that the body is doing its job to try and keep us safe from perceived threats. Stress is the body’s way of telling us that everything is not okay.
© Shutterstock
9 / 31 Fotos
Tell them what's going on
- Naturally, the way you open up about stress will vary depending on the age of the child. If you’re speaking to a young child, you might explain that you’re feeling a little cranky and need to do some belly breaths to feel better. You can even invite them to take deep breaths with you!
© Shutterstock
10 / 31 Fotos
Admit when you're wrong
- If you’re dealing with a teenager, you might explain that you were short with them because you were feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and you’re sorry for not handling your feelings better. Both of these examples have the benefit of opening communication, demystifying stress as a topic, and sharing healthy strategies with your kids.
© Shutterstock
11 / 31 Fotos
Listening above talking
- When discussing stress with your kids outside of a direct incident, the goal is to reframe how they might think about stress and open a dialogue about it. Let them speak more than you do to prevent it from turning into a parental lecture.
© Shutterstock
12 / 31 Fotos
Express curiosity
- You can do this by asking simple open questions. For example, you might ask them what is scary about the situation, how big is the problem on a scale from one to 10, what parts of it are under their control, etc.
© Shutterstock
13 / 31 Fotos
Calm the body first
- If your child is experiencing stress at that moment, help them to calm down physically before launching into a conversation. This might be encouraging deep breaths, focusing on grounding feelings, and a long hug!
© Shutterstock
14 / 31 Fotos
Recognize and react
- Speak to them about they feel when they’re stressed. They might notice that their heads get “buzzy,” which is a sign they need to find a tool to calm down. Talk to them about what makes them feel calmer, whether it be taking deep breaths, rubbing their ears, or giving themselves a hug.
© Shutterstock
15 / 31 Fotos
Communication essentials for talking to kids
- Click on for more useful communication tips that will help you create an open and non-judgmental atmosphere for your kids to share with you.
© Shutterstock
16 / 31 Fotos
Be available
- Notice the times that your kids are most talkative or open to sharing, such as car rides when it’s just the two of you or when you’re saying good night to them in bed.
© Shutterstock
17 / 31 Fotos
Start the conversation
- It lets them know that you’re open and available, and that it’s not a taboo subject. It also shows that you care about what’s going on in their lives.
© Shutterstock
18 / 31 Fotos
Regular one-on-ones
- Schedule a one-on-one activity with your kid (or each of your kids) once a week or once a month so they know they can regularly rely on having your full attention. Try to be consistent and put phones away during this time.
© Shutterstock
19 / 31 Fotos
Connect through their interests
- Learn about your kid’s hobbies. Whatever their main interests may be, whether it’s music, sports, or art, show that you’re interested and create space for them to talk about it.
© Shutterstock
20 / 31 Fotos
Start with general observations
- Begin conversations by sharing what you’ve been thinking about, or an issue that is affecting other kids in general. This is an easier way to bring up a topic without confronting them immediately with a question.
© Shutterstock
21 / 31 Fotos
Listen actively
- When your child starts to talk about a concern, stop whatever else you are doing and give them your full attention.
© Shutterstock
22 / 31 Fotos
Don't bombard them with questions
- Show that you are listening and interested without being overly intrusive. Jumping in with questions and comments might cause them to clam up.
© Shutterstock
23 / 31 Fotos
Hear them out fully
- This means hearing them out even if it’s somewhat painful to listen to. Children often come out with worries that seem irrational and that you want to assuage immediately, but it’s important not to be dismissive of their experience.
© Shutterstock
24 / 31 Fotos
Repeat back
- Let them express themselves fully before you respond. You might want to repeat back to them what you understand from what they’ve told you, to ensure there are no miscommunications and to assure them that you’re really listening.
© Shutterstock
25 / 31 Fotos
Remain open and non-judgmental
- Remember that a child might test the waters by telling you just a small part of the story. If they don’t feel understood or see that you’re jumping straight to trying to teach them a lesson, they might hold back the rest. Listen with empathy and without judgment.
© Shutterstock
26 / 31 Fotos
Respond thoughtfully
- Even if you’re feeling upset or angry about what they’ve told you, try to soften your reaction. If they feel that you’re being judgmental or defensive, the possibility of having a conversation that actually helps will be greatly diminished.
© Shutterstock
27 / 31 Fotos
It's okay to disagree - If they have expressed something about you or other family members that you don’t agree with, acknowledge that it’s okay to disagree sometimes and don’t minimize their opinion. You can offer your own opinion and communicate that they’re not obliged to agree with it.
© Shutterstock
28 / 31 Fotos
Focus on their experience, not yours
- Make sure to focus on your child’s feelings rather than your own during the conversation. If a child comes to you with a problem, it’s easy to express how sad you are for them and how upset it makes you that they’re hurt or stressed. However, this may discourage them from opening up to you again because they won’t want to upset you.
© Shutterstock
29 / 31 Fotos
Find out what they need
- One of the most important things is to ask what they want and need from you. Sometimes we open up to others because we need help with a problem, and sometimes we just need a kind ear. It can be frustrating when we get the wrong response.
© Shutterstock
30 / 31 Fotos
How to talk to children about stress
Is it better to prepare our kids rather than 'protect' them?
© Shutterstock
Any good parent wants to shelter their child from pain and anxiety. The urge to protect is so strong that we sometimes don’t realize that we’re doing more harm than good. One of the most difficult parts of parenting is allowing children to make their own mistakes, experience challenges, and learn to overcome adversity. Unfortunately, letting them face these trials is essential so that they develop resilience and confidence in their own emotional strength.
Stress is one of the most common challenges we deal with as adults, and it inevitably impacts our children, too. They also come across stressful situations in their daily lives, not to mention the stress they absorb from us. It’s important to help them understand that stress is a part of life and help them learn to manage it in a healthy manner, rather than trying to pretend it’s not happening.
How do you discuss such a complex topic with a young child? Click on to find out.
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